Making Sense of the Week 7 Madness

Week 7 of the 2017 NFL Season is in the books, and it’s time to interpret the madness moving forward. Here are the main things to remember about this Week 7, 2017.

Carolina Panthers 3 vs. Chicago Bears 17:

So apparently, the Chicago Bears need to just attempt 7 PASSES to win a game against a relatively competitive team. SERIOUSLY, Of those 7, Trubisky completed 4!!! NO TEAM SHOULD WIN A GAME IN THE NFL WITH AN AVERAGE OF 1 COMPLETED PASS PER QUARTER! The Bears won by 14. Get it Together PanthersTune in next week where the Bears will demolish the saints with 200 yards receiving from their punter and some random drunk guy in the stands.

Tennessee Titans 12 vs. Cleveland Browns 9:

If this game was on HBO, it would called Game of Field Goals, because that is basically what this was. Actually, if this game replaced an episode of HBO Game of Thrones, no one would no the difference. The Titans uniforms make them look like White Walkers, This game seemingly went on forever, and someone we barely even knew (Kizer) was replaced with someone (Kessler) with a fan “favorite” that will likely not be around by the end of the season. I know this sounds like a stretch, but it makes a Browns game watchable.

New Orleans Saints 26 vs. Green Bay Packers 17:

This was supposed to be a matchup of Hall of Fame QB vs. Hall of Fame QB when this game was drawn up in April. Well…Hundley has time to improve and be the next in the line of Great Packers QBs. I mean time will only tell if Hundley is the Packers future, but as their present? Good news is that Aaron Rodgers could be back by the end of this season for a (hypothetical, and yes hypothetical seems to be a stretch at this point) postseason run.

Jacksonville Jaguars 27 vs. Indianapolis Colts 0:

Look on the bright side Colts fans, it’s only a loss to a surprisingly competitive division rival in pursuit of a division title your currently nowhere close to achieving in a season where you franchise QB might not even play a snap after a setback earlier this week in practice which will probably cost your cancer survivor head coach that once brought you to an AFC title game his job by the end of this miserable season. No big deal, right?

Arizona Cardinals 0 vs. Los Angeles Rams 33:

So Apparently, only 1 Carson is allowed to play a decent NFL QB at a time. Carson Palmer took a major injury that will cost him most, if not all, of the remaining 2017 slate. There’s a chance that we have seen the last of one of the NFL’s longest mainstay. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the career of Carson Palmer……………………………..Well, he was a starting NFL QB and didn’t suck all the time. Enjoy your likely retirement Carson, you’ll be mostly forgotten.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27 vs. Buffalo Bills 30:

The Bills may have won this game on the standings sheet, but the Buccaneers might be the true winners of this game. Don’t get me wrong, there are many flaws with this 2-4 team that I’m pretty sure will not see the light of the postseason this year, and I could go over the many plays that could’ve won the game for the Bucs, but lets talk about the last play of the game for a moment. There was a lateral during the final seconds of the matchup that will go down in NFL as one of the longest plays in the history of the league. This lateral attempt lasted 45 SECONDS and for a moment it didn’t seem the Bills were able to tackle anyone no matter how hard they tried. This almost rendered the last 3 incredible minutes of the game pointless in what could’ve been one of the worst regular season letdowns in Bills History. The Bills might be looking toward a playoff push, but the Buccaneers and their fans may have comfort in knowing that the final play of the game will lead to many Bills Fans needing to take antacids in the coming days.

New York Jets 28 vs. Miami Dolphins 31:

Jay Cutler getting hurt might be the best thing that could’ve been the best thing for the Dolphins to be competitive late this season. I feel bad for Jay and his family for the pain he must be suffering from right now, but if I had to be honest, Matthew Moore is probably the best QB on the Dolphins roster right now. This offense with Jay Cutler was shut out by the Saints, whose definition of a defense might as well be a beaded door. Jay Cutler couldn’t run a successful against an actual beaded door. Moore was able to bring the Dolphins back to beat the Jets. Are the Jets by any means a competent defense, no, but they are not a gold and black beaded door.

Baltimore Ravens 16 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24:

Remember when Joe Flacco actually brought his team to the playoffs and won a Super Bowl with the Ravens. Flacco was then signed to a $100 million dollar contract with enough guaranteed money that will let him retire comfortably. Ever wonder why NFL players get greedy and urgent in contract negotiations, this season and injury are the reasons why. Its one thing if your team, like the Colts, has problems beyond your franchise QB that even he can’t save you. This can somewhat apply to the Ravens team, but Flacco should still be playing better football. It’s hard to justify an expensive contract for a QB when your QB only gets 1 TD in a game halfway through the season against a beatable defense and is not an outlier on his season’s work.

Dallas Cowboys 40 vs. San Francisco 49ers 10:

I know the 49ers are a winless team were going against a squad that had at least the personal of a postseason run, but this is just sad. The 49ers went 5 straight games losing by 3 or less points and then loses to non-division leading team by over 30 points. Elliott scored 3 TDS. Did you even bother to watch game footage of the starting RB in case he was eligible, because it sure looked liked overconfidence hangs over your head in this loss. The 49ers are not worst team in football, but are playing like it. This team nearly beat the Seahawks, Rams, and the Redskins. If the 49ers somehow become a winless team this year, they will be known as the most unfortunate team in NFL history. Only 9 more games to go to make that a reality.

Cincinnati Bengals 14 vs. Pittsburgh
Steelers 29:

I know we are only halfway through the season and a lot could happen over the next couple of months, but I feel pretty safe to say the Steelers will be the lone AFC North representative in the AFC Postseason. The Bengals are the second best team in the Steeler led division, but that’s more on the Ravens and Browns finding ways to lose winnable games. The Bengals are like an NBC Sitcom, they would’ve been cancelled on any other network, but because their on NBC they’ll find a way to stick around for another season. Don’t be too surprised if that’s the postseason fate of Marvin Lewis.

Denver Broncos 0 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 21:

I’m sorry, it looks like there is a computer glitch, I want to personally congratulate the Denver Broncos on their shuto…I’m sorry…what happened…No, that can’t be right…They were in deep Chargers territory twice, I know their offense isn’t the best but surely…your kidding me. I guess congratulations on the Chargers and Melvin Gordon on their huge da…I’m sorry…there’s no way it could’ve been that low. I’m sorry for the Melvin Gordon and his family during this diffi…he apparently was not much more hurt as he came into the game. Come on Broncos, you started the year 2-0 and you get shutout by the worst team in your division, Shame.

Seattle Seahawks 24 vs. New York Giants 7:

Anyone watching Sunday Night Football last week and saw the Giants obliterate the Broncos can now calm down, as the Giants true post-OBJ form has been shown. Giants fans, welcome to the rest of your season. The rest of your season is complete with:

  • Disappointing days from your two time Super Bowl winning QB
  • Penalties and Reviews not going your way
  • TE Engram being your most effective receiver
  • Middle of the road teams running all over you
  • And finally, a decent draft pick to pick your successor to the Manning throne.

You have an important choice to make come spring, but for now, enjoy the disappointing madness known as 2017.

New England Patriots 23 vs. Atlanta Falcons 7:

Aren’t the Falcons better than this. Maybe the fog is getting to me, but I had the strangest dream that the Falcons once a competitive team. They just kept winning game after game after game and Julio Jones torched the Panthers for 300 yards. They made the Playoffs with the first seed and beat the Seahawks and Packers with ease. They made it the Super Bowl and went against the Patriots and owned a 28-3 in the third quarter before the Patriots cheated their way to another title. This must’ve all been a crazy dream right? It’s too crazy to be true right? Right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s