Welcome to NFL Week 17 Sunday, w most of you have been waiting for all season long. Destiny’s will be fulfilled, Dreams will be crushed, and teams who’ve fates have already been revealed can spoil the course of football present for some unfortunate franchise. 9 Teams have already locked their spot in someway or another, while 17 franchises have come to accept that today ends their 2017 season. By 8:00 PM (Which is early, but unfortunately necessary because no matchup is guaranteed to be meaningful no matter the other outcomes), we will know who is playing who during next week’s Wild Card matchups, who’ll be getting a beneficial rest for the upcoming matchups (technically only 1 other team has not yet be determined for this. Patriots, Steelers and Eagles have already clinched their respective “winter break”), and which fans will be jumping ship in January for their respective playoff bandwagons. I’m not going into seeding for teams already in the postseason because honestly very little changes between 1 and 2, along with 3, 4, and 5. There are small advantages in those groups, but nothing the average fan needs to concern themselves with. I’ll be covering the Ravens, Titans, Bills, Chargers, Falcons, and Seahawks scenarios and potential outcomes. I’m not including ties in these outcomes because it’ll be unlikely you’ll need to know the scenarios. News Flash: Teams Don’t Play To Tie, They Play To Win…Or Draft.
If a tie becomes a reality in any of these WC scenarios, I’ll apologize and cover it on Twitter (@UltimateFumble) to make everyone aware of the possibility. If 2 outcomes mentioned apply, the more detailed outcome and/or the outcome listed higher on the team’s respective list applies. Here We Go.
Win Vs. Panthers: 6 Seed
SEA Loss to Cardinals: 6 Seed
None of Above Happens: It’s 28-3 All Over Again, As It’ll End the Season in Disappointment.
Loss to Cardinals: Legion of Losers, Season’s Over
ATL Beats Panthers: Intercepted at 1 Yard Line, Season’s Over
None of Above Happens: 6 Seed
Was That So Hard? Didn’t Think So. This is Basic Math Compared to the AFC. Ready, Here We Go:
Win vs Bengals: 5 Seed
BUF Loss To Dolphins: 6 Seed
TEN Loss to Jaguars: 6 Seed
BUF Loss + Ten Loss: 5 Seed
None of Above: 2017 Season, Nevermore
Win vs Jaguars: 6 Seed
Win + BAL Loss: 5 Seed
BUF Loss + LAC Win: Just 1 Yard Short, Season’s Over
LAC Loss + BUF In: No Miracle For You, Season’s Over
BUF Loss + LAC Loss: 6 Seed
BUF Loss To Dolphins: Fish Squished You, Season’s Over
BUF Win + BAL Loss: 6 Seed
BUF Win + BAL Loss + TEN Loss: 5 Seed
BUF Win + TEN Win + LAC Win: Make That 18, Season’s Over
BUF Win + TEN Loss + LAC Win: You Did This To Yourselves, Season’s Over
BUF Win + LAC Loss + TEN Win: Damn You Mariota, Season’s Over
BUF Win + TEN Loss + LAC Loss: 6 Seed
Los Angeles Chargers:
LAC Loss To Raiders: Black Hole Sucked You In, Season’s Over
TEN Beats Jaguars: Rams Win LA’s Conditional Love, Season’s Over
BUF Win + BAL Loses: I’m Sorry To Tell Your Paid “Fans”, Your Season’s Over
None Of Above Occurs: 6 Seed
That’s The Best I Can Do, So Enjoy Your Week 17, Happy New Year, and By God Please Buffalo End The Drought!!! Oh Right…I just explained how they don’t control their own destiny. Well, in that case, Don’t Blow It.