NFL Sunday Week 11 Breakdown

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This was a very heavy turnover, decisive, and yet shocking week in the NFL. The NFC is looking more and more decisive and the AFC just became more cluttered with the Ravens and Bills currently occupying the 6 seed at 5 wins. 9-7 will be successful for getting to the postseason in the AFC and the Ravens look like the team to do it, although so many other teams are on their tail that a slip-up will open the door. Let’s cover game by game with the main takeaways from NFL Week 11.

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 vs. Cleveland Browns 7

There are 2 ways to look at the result of this game. The first way is to say that only beating the Browns by 12 is a pathetic sign and the Jaguars making the playoffs is currently a skeptical outlook at best. The other way to look at this is that the Browns, while winless, are a team that keeps games close and might find a way to win 1 or 2 games before the end of this season. It’s Schrodinger’s Browns, and we’ll be opening over the next six weeks.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 30 vs. Miami Dolphins 20

Is it just me, or the Miami Dolphins better when Jay Cutler has to be benched during a game. I mean you can’t just start Matt Moore apparently, as it apparently leads to a humiliating loss on CBS. Seriously, The Big Bang Theory had to move to Mondays for THAT! Anyways, the Dolphins should consider starting Cutler for the first drive of the game, and then bench him for Matt Moore. At least that formula will win you game(s).

Detroit Lions 27 vs. Chicago Bears 24

Welcome to the Wide Right Club Bears Fans. Its just a little club where teams who have suffered humiliating defeats due to reasonable field goals sailing wide right discuss their problems and dreams. We meet every Tuesday (Mondays we rest and lick our wounds) and currently members consist of you, Viking Fans, and our club founding Bill Fans. We hope you find solace in joining this very pathetic organization, as you look towards making offseason moves to not suck as much next year.

Baltimore Ravens 23 vs. Green Bay Packers 0

Okay its Official, Aaron Rodgers’s injury did not kill your season. It definitely hurt your season, but your defense is currently the reason for your demise. HUNDLEY, I see you sneaking away from this and you’re not off the hook here. Your bakery seems to have a horrible business model for all the turnovers you have been giving away in your starts this year. Packers fans don’t deserve 5 turnovers, but the defense has to step up to pick up from your mistakes. You can’t blame Hundley for his failures too much, the Packers didn’t ask him to start, he was called upon due to injury. This season is lost, but the lesson the front office learns in its struggles on defense could help build a team that could give Aaron Rodgers and your team another Super Bowl in the near future.

Arizona Cardinals 21 vs. Houston Texans 31

This was an impressive game considering the QB’s In this were Blaine Gabbert and Tom Savage. Both teams seasons were pretty close to over going into this game, and both teams are still unlikely to make the postseason. But these teams played their hearts out in this exciting matchup. Yes, this game was exciting and I apologize in advance for my “poor” and “disgraceful” taste in good football.

Los Angeles Rams 7 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24

Wasn’t this supposed to be the “game of the week” with these potential Super Bowl participants both at 7-2 battling it out for a large advantage in important playoff seeding? Jared Goff had a very boing day, he didn’t cost his team the game through turnovers, he just failed to contribute to the team in a meaningful way that could’ve spared them this loss to a Keenum led Vikings team. This Vikings team also has Bridgewater waiting in the wings, so they might be the NFL’s best hope at defeating the Eagles in the postseason.

Washington Redskins 31 vs. New Orleans Saints 34 (OT)

The Redskins defense deserved to lose this game. Take yourselves and that arguably offensive name and sit in the corner while I belittle you. Yes, you lost to a Drew Brees led team, but you were up more than two touchdowns with 6 minutes left. This is not a game you should lose, even when your starting running back goes down with an injury. This was yours to lose and you did just that. The Saints on the other hand have proven their ability to be clutch in crucial situations, which is why the NFC is right now a 4 team race for the Super Bowl.

Kansas City Chiefs 9 vs. New York Giants 12

HOW? HOW THIS HAPPEN? JUST HOW? I MEAN… HOW? YOU HAVE….HOW DID YOU SCREW THIS UP? HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE? I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE HOW THIS COULD’VE HAPPENED? YOUR OPPONENTS LOST TO THE…HOW? HOW DID…(Goes On an Infinite Loop for All Eternity).

Buffalo Bills 24 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 54

Congratulations Nathan Peterman on your First NFL Start! Next time, lets see if you can finish a game instead of getting benched after throwing 5 INTERCEPTIONS before the end of the first half! Granted some of those interceptions were not your fault, but then again most of them were. Is it time to go back to Tyrod starting? Maybe. Does this hurt your postseason chances? Definitely. Is this loss a death sentence for the 2017 season playoff hopes? I don’t think so, yet. As witness above, Kansas City is losing to everybody now and the Bills might’ve possibility loss this game badly to the future AFC West division champs by the way these teams are currently playing. Unless you want to make a victory over Tom Brady necessary, you need to send a message to Kansas City at Arrowhead Next Sunday.

Cincinnati Bengals 20 vs. Denver Broncos 17

This game was a battle between 3-6 teams to determine which gets to keep a relatively realistic chance at a postseason run, and one team decided its best bet to that was to start Brock Osweiler. Seriously though, what’d you think would happen with that choice. Better decisions have been made, that’s all I’m saying. Completing a little over half your passes with a 1/1 ratio was a “good” day for Brock, and it still wasn’t enough. Its time to see what Paxton Lynch can do, because we now know once and for all Brock Osweiler should not be starting at QB in the NFL. If only the Broncos realized this one week sooner.

New England Patriots 33 vs. Oakland Raiders 8

In honor of the annual NFL game in Mexico, this breakdown will be submitted in Spanish. If you don’t know and don’t want to bother learning Spanish, just use Google Translate.

Los Patriotas de Nueva Inglaterra demolieron a los Raiders de Oakland en un resultado tristemente esperado. En serio, México lo tiene para su único juego de la NFL. ¿Por qué este país solo obtiene un juego al año y Londres obtiene tres? Es más fácil viajar jugadores a México y definitivamente hay interés por una franquicia en este país. Al menos aumenta los juegos, por lo que es más probable que se juegue un emparejamiento de calidad en este maravilloso país.

Philidelphia Eagles 37 vs. Dallas Cowboys 9

Is it time to start talking about questioning Dak Prescott as an NFL starting QB. The Cowboys could’ve done better in his 145 yards passing. The team didn’t find the end zone once while playing at home, which is definitely pathetic. Imagine if your neighbor hated you and one day decided to go to your house, convince your spouse to leave you for them, obtaining custody of your children along with alimony. To top all of that off, this neighbor has the guts to tell you to go to bed and do absolutely nothing and it works. There might be a better analogy, but that’s basically what the Eagles did to the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football.

 

 

 

 

 

The NFL Schedulers Apparently Should be Incarcerated in this Thursday Night Football Recap

Yep, that was a long title, but that was the main takeaway in this Thursday night matchup between the capable Seattle Seahawks, and the sad, desperate, and beaten Arizona Cardinals. Ending=No Shocker. The only thing that makes us even remotely care about this game was that CB Richard Sherman is out for the remainder of the season with a torn ACL. Ouch, at least its not as bad as this:

Carpenter

Seriously that’s a castration device, which was tweeted by Dan Carpenter’s wife when the newly injured CB made a clearly dirty hit on the kicker just before halftime on Monday Night Football. No response has been made from Kaela yet, but I don’t think she will be crying an ocean in this recent development. This injury is going to hurt the Seattle defense, but this team is still on track for a postseason birth, although the division window might’ve gotten wider for the LA Rams.

Anyways, there was a comment that keeps repeating a similar theme in recent weeks. Doug Baldwin made a comment on how Thursday Night Football should be illegal.

Smart Business Decision: Questionable

Entertaining Most of the Time: Oh God No!

Entertaining Some of the Time: Nope

Entertaining on Rare Occasions:…I’ll Give You That One.

To say TNF is illegal though, definitely not. The NFL has TNF to create more nationally televised games beyond SNF and MNF. This scheduling decision allows the NFL to put every team in primetime at some point in the season. Yes, even the Browns deserve a chance to be in the national spotlight. These games allow all the lower caliber teams to have public exposure, which doesn’t lead to the same few teams getting all of the national attention and glory. It highlights good players on bad teams, and puts teams who’d have a playoff caliber record (Bills) to play once in front of national audience so they aren’t confused when you see them in January (Trust me, one of these days I’ll be right on this).

Doug, I’m sorry your friend and teammate is hurt right now, but you also won the game this week. Seriously, Richie Incognito complained, but that was clearly trying to rationalize losing to the Josh McCown led J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS (I’m Dead Inside). Please just take the win, calm down, drink a warm glass of milk, get through the rest of the season, make the playoffs, lose to in the Wild Card round because your team isn’t talented enough to beat the Vikings, make it to the offseason, and if you still have TNF complaints we can address them for the 2018-2019 season.

Breaking Down NFL Sunday Week 9

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This week, there was football, fights, and questionable personnel decisions in some NFL franchises. Close games were surprisingly not a major player this week, as most matchups seemed to be pretty decided by the end of the third quarter. Here’s to hoping Week 10 brings more interesting football. Until then, here are the big things to remember from this NFL Week 9.

Atlanta Falcons 17 vs. Carolina Panthers 20

What has happened to these Falcons. Remember when they used to have a turnover machine of a defense. It seems like a distant memory the way they were playing. The lost to a Panthers team WITHOUT their number 1 receiver who they’d traded away before the deadline. No Olsen or Benjamin, but Funchess was the leading receiver with 86 yards. YOU STILL MANAGED TO LOSE THAT GAME! Yeah, your not going to the Super Bowl anytime soon.

Indianapolis Colts 20 vs. Houston Texans 14

This could’ve been the matchup of two franchise QB’s that could run the AFC South for the next decade. Instead, both of those QB’s are out for the season and it was a battle between a former Patriots 3rd stringer and a laughing stock of a late round pick. Watching paint dry seemed like a better alternative for most parts of this game. Thank God for T.Y. Hilton’s 175 yards to make this game somewhat watchable.

Cincinnati Bengals 7 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 23

From a game standpoint, the Jaguars won with an amazing rushing day with INTENTIONALLY sitting out their clear starting RB, which is amazing. The big story here is how a star Wide Receiver and a star Cornerback were both ejected after one altercation. Seriously, set that fight to any music and it works. Not just rock or hip hop, set the music to a good country, classical, or even The Price is Right theme song, it’ll lighten up your day. Send me your submissions of this fight under your choice of music and I’ll feature it on our social media and post this to UltimateFumble.com, giving you full credit. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10 vs. New Orleans Saints 30

What’s with NFL Week 10 and star Wide Receivers getting into fights. Seriously was there a full moon the previous night and those players transformed into MMA fighters overnight with the sole purpose of attacking other football players whether they were playing in the game or not. Seriously Mike, there was no need to aggressively shove someone when there was clearly no play. You can’t just walk up to people and just shove them to the ground as hard as you can. Well….Maybe….and I now a November 15th court day.

Denver Broncos 23 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 51

I understand the offense isn’t scoring much with Brock Osweiler at QB, but the defense should be keeping Denver’s opponents under 30 at least. 51 on a team with Von Miller. 51 on a team with a Top 5 defense last year. 51 against a second year quarterback and the best receiving option is Ashlon Jeffery. Broncos fans, I hope 51 stays in your brain the rest of this season and the upcoming offseason.
Los Angeles Rams 51 vs. New York Giants 17

51 points, congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles. Carson Wentz had a wonderful game against the Den…wait this isn’t the Eagles…really the Rams, Who were they playing…oh that makes sense. I can’t believe I’m staying the but the Jets are the better New York team this year. They’re not doing well, but their playoff chances aren’t zero yet. Good news Giants fans, we’re in November! The end of the season can’t come soon enough for you, can it.
Washington Redskins 17 vs. Seattle Seahawks 14

Is it just me, or has Russell Wilson lost his elite QB status ever since Super XLIX. Ever since he made that goal line interception at the end of that game instead of handing the ball off to MARSHAWN ******LYNCH, he’s played decent football, but not best in the league, and this year not even best in his division. The Redskins are a worthy opponent, but not unbeatable by any means. This Seahawks tea is on track for the playoffs, just not much else.
Baltimore Ravens 20 vs. Tennessee Titans 23

Speaking of QBs who haven’t been the same since a Super Bowl we have Joe Flacco, who once had one of the best postseasons in NFL history and now can’t keep his team at .500 level for long. Don’t get me wrong, there are teams in worse situations at this moment and time, but this is a clearly not the Flacco that should be paid $100+ million dollars over his contract. If this keeps happening, the Ravens must ask themselves how much longer their willing to wait for Flacco before they accept that they must move on.

Arizona Cardinals 20 vs. San Francisco 49ers 10

Drew Stanton was the more relevant QB on the field this week against the 49ers. It could be just me, but I think if the 49ers started Garroppolo on a limited playbook they would’ve gotten their first win this week. I’m not sure if the 49ers have found their starting quarterback of the future with this trade, given the history of former patriots backups tanking with future teams, but they should start looking into Jimmy’s potential ASAP. This is a team that will have a top 5 pick at the least and if this trade didn’t bring the guy they thought, scouting should be considering alternatives for an interesting QB competition.

Kansas City Chiefs 28 vs. Dallas Cowboys 17

Weren’t the Chiefs the only team to go 5-0 and have whom is likely to be Rookie of the Year currently on their roster. This team will probably still win the AFC West, but that might be more of the lack of talented play beyond the Chiefs start this year. This was supposed to be a battle between the Raiders and the Chiefs and the Raiders are two games back with a losing record. This division should’ve been locked up by now and a win vs. the Cowboys would’ve realistically done that. Raiders…

Oakland Raiders 27 vs. Miami Dolphins 24

…This is your chance to shine, or at least not make a set fire onto your team’s hopes and dreams for the 2017 season. I feel that the 2017 season will either go down as the year of Wentz or the year of mediocrity. 3 win teams are still in this hunt because of matchups like this. A Dolphins win could’ve propelled them farther ahead and leave the Raiders in the dust for this season. Instead, we now have two 4 win teams who both have a shot this year, but both need some significant help to pull a postseason out of this year. 10-6 is going to guarantee any AFC team a postseason birth and 9-7 just might also do the trick. The team whose playing down the stretch winning these types of games consistently will be playing January football, and it just might be the Oakland Raiders who does it.

 

Thursday Night Recap: AFC East is Still WIDE Open.

The second half of the NFL Season has kicked off Thursday with Bills Vs. Jets. Here are 5 things to takeaway from this Thursday Night Matchup.

1. The Jets season is not over after Week 9. Yeah I know, they’re not dead yet. Don’t get me wrong they still need a lot of help, but at 4-5 an Wild Card for the NY team is at least possible.

2. Welcome to the rethinking portion of the Buffalo Bills season. After seemingly proven to be a Playoff team after the previous week, they crumbled against a team that were projected to go 0-16 at the beginning of this year. Yes, the Jets could go .500 this year, but this would’ve been huge to win for Buffalo.

3. Tyrod Taylor didn’t hurt the bills in this defeat. He was responsible for TDs and nearly 300 yards passing in the loss and while a good chunk of those stats came in garbage time football, Taylor might be able to keep this Bills in future Matchups with Kelvin Benjamin now in the picture.

4. Apparently, Zay Jones can catch footballs. That shocked me too. I didn’t think it could be done, but the Zay Jones era in Buffalo May have just begun, or maybe this game was just a fluke in his sad short NFL career will see.

5. Richie Incognito made a comment after the game saying that Thursday Night Football is done for the money and should be eliminated from the NFL schedule. Of course you say that after losing badly against a very sad NFL franchise. That doesn’t make you wrong, but there maybe a better time t make this comment without coming off as a sad little b****.

Breaking Down NFL Sunday Week 8

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Well, another week is in the books and the clutter mess that is known as the 2017 NFL Season has become a slightly less cluttered mess after week 8. Teams are starting to separate from one another, and some that were once considered division favorites are in must win mode for the next two months. Let’s go through NFL Week 8 together in this week’s Sunday Breakdown.

Minnesota Vikings 33 vs. Cleveland Browns 16:

Oh, Cleveland. You sent last week’s match against the Titans to overtime, only to collapse and lose that matchup by a field goal. It looked like you were going to give the Vikings a run for their money in London and get your first win of the season. That lasted about the half before the Curse of the Browns kicked in and the Browns left London in what turned out to be a not so close game. The Browns have gone 25 STRAIGHT SUNDAYS with a loss (They won on Christmas EVE last year, but that was on a Saturday). At least you can’t lose on the bye week, although I wouldn’t be shocked if you found a way to the way things are going.

Indianapolis Colts 23 vs. Cincinnati Bengals 24:

This looked like it could’ve gone either way for most of the game, and honestly the way I would describe the Colts loss at this point is unfortunate. The Bengals should not have let this game become so close, and the fact that it was makes me want to give Jacoby Brissett some credit. He’s been on the team for less than half a regular season and he understands the offense enough that makes me believe that he’ll win at least one game as the Colts QB. Jack Doyle had a remarkable game, catching 12 balls for 131 yards and a TD. Unfortunately, unlucky catch number 13 did not occur on this game before Halloween, and it became the game deciding play for this unlucky, unfortunate, and mostly untalented team.

Los Angeles Chargers 13 vs. New England Patriots 21:

This game shouldn’t be this close. The Patriots are coming off a Super Bowl victory and battling the lowly Chargers should’ve been decided in the first quarter in New England’s Favor. Tom Brady hasn’t hit his playing wall yet, so this is a team that’s supposed to be definitively win games. The Chargers were 23 yards and a 2-point conversion away from going into overtime against the reigning Super Bowl Champions. THIS SHOULDN’T HAPPEN. Yes, If this was the only occasion this season, it could just be a bad week for this Super Bowl contending team. The Patriots have won very few games definitively this year, only beating the out of conference Falcons and Saints by about 2 TDS. The Patriots might have won this game, but the AFC is wide open come January.

Chicago Bears 12 vs. New Orleans Saints 20:

A QB who literally completed 4 passes in his previous complete and successful start had to make 32 attempts during this game against the high powered offense known as the New Orleans Saints. How do you think that went? Answer: 14/32, 164 yards, and an interception. That can beat teams without competent offenses, but this isn’t going to cut it against future Hall of Fame Drew Brees. Brees didn’t even have a TD today, but the Bears made that fact unnecessary. Keep trying Trubisky, you possibly might get their one day.
Oakland Raiders 14 vs. Buffalo Bills 34:

I mentioned above about how the league is still pretty cluttered halfway through the seasons, but the AFC East and AFC West divisions seem to be going in opposite directions with that kind of thinking, with the Bills staying a half game back of the New England Patriots and about only 1-1.5 game(s) ahead of the Jets and Dolphins. Meanwhile, the Kansas City Chiefs seem to already have the AFC West wrapped with about a 3 game lead on all of their divisional opponents. Weren’t the Raiders suppose the challenge the Patriots for the crown this year. Well, at least Marshawn Lynch has his own reality TV show.

Atlanta Falcons 25 vs. New York Jets 20:

Dan Quinn before the Bills Matchup: “We’ve got this in the bag, Buffalo are a bunch of nobodies coming in our house, they’ve got no chance.”

Dan Quinn before the Dolphins Matchup: “We’re back from the bye with Julio Jones healthy again against a Dolphins team that was shutout by the SAINTS! Piece of Cake:”

Dan Quinn before the Patriots Matchup: “Okay, Okay, those last two losses were definitely unfortunate, and this is against the New England Patriots. Let’s just keep this game close and show America that we are still a team not to be messed with.”

Dan Quinn before the Jets Matchup: “LISTEN UP, NO ONE EATS UNLESS WE BEAT THE JETS. WE ARE NOT LOSING TO A JOSH MCCOWN LED FOOTBALL TEAM. WE ARE BEATING ONE MOTHERFLIPPING TEAM FROM THE AFC EAST AND YOU’LL ALL SUFFER MY WRATH FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!”

San Francisco 49ers 10 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 33: 

When I made predictions before this week’s matchups, I actually predicted the 49ers would win this game. I thought I was genius for calling this “trap game” and that the Carson Wentz hype was overrated and that the 49ers were due for a win against a team that was going to be thinking ahead to the Broncos Defense. Sometimes these predictions are genius decisions and sometimes its just pure paranoia. I was the latter this week.

Carolina Panthers 17 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3:

This game was a boring matchup that was decided in the first quarter. There was an article on Bleacher Report this week on the end of Cam Newton in the NFL (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2740726-cam-newtons-latest-outburst-has-some-in-nfl-wondering-if-his-end-is-near) due to his recent outbursts. The team is currently 5-2 with no end in sight right now. Are the press conference outbursts a distraction, yes.  If this was Colin Kaepernick would he never play in the NFL again, yes. Were Cam Newton’s against female reporters at least somewhat disrespectful, yes. At least he gets results though.

Dallas Cowboys 33 vs. Washington Redskins 19:

An advantage of writing this post on Tuesday Morning is that I know the outcome of the Ezekiel Elliott suspension, which right now looks like Elliott will be out of commission through Week 14. First of all, RIP anyone’s fantasy season who owns Elliott, your hope is likely gone unless you got him for a huge bargain. Second, The Cowboys are 4-3 and while it definitely looks like the Eagles have this division wrapped up pretty well, this team is still very much in the hunt for a wildcard spot. They have all 3 divisional opponents during this ban and will play the Chiefs this upcoming week. .500 is necessary at minimum during this stretch to make Elliott play with purpose in December.

Houston Texans 38 vs. Seattle Seahawks 41: 

TWO EPIC MATCHUPS WITH HOUSTON SPORTS TEAMS ON THE SAME DAY. If we and Houston sports fans like to be honest, they would happily keep the results the same, as Watson has shown Elite QB play in his Rookie Season to show at least potential for an amazing NFL career, and the Astros are one win away from the World Series. On a serious note, Houston has been reeling from the Harvey Hurricane months ago and the city of Houston needs a moral win right now. Needless to say, Go Astros. On the Texans front, they’ve just got to allow the Jaguars to collapse on themselves like they always do and they’ll find a way to sneak into the NFL Postseason. This team is currently a dangerous team if the postseason started today, and this is without JJ Watt. The future of Houston Football looks bright.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20 vs. Detroit Lions 15:

The Pittsburgh Steelers benched Martavis Bryant after he publicly demanded to be traded away from a team that in his opinion didn’t want him. Little did we know that this would trigger the Steelers making his replacement Juju Smith-Schuster an NFL name overnight after catching 7 balls for 193 yards and a TD in a primetime victory over the Lions. Maybe the Steelers don’t want Bryant on their roster after this result, maybe they never wanted Bryant in the first place. This could all be a conspiracy to make Juju the next great receiver in NFL history. Maybe the NFL is rigged to have the same teams succeed over and over again. Or… I might be looking into one game too intensely. Congrats to Juju and the now 6-2 Steelers on a successful game. As for the Lions, at least Aaron Rodgers isn’t playing, right?

The Cove 2: Dolphins Vs. Ravens Thursday Night Football

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Remember when I said that Matt Moore was a competent NFL QB that was better than “can’t beat a beaded door” Jay Cutler? Yeah, apparently this blog and my opinions are capable of being wrong. I can just see Ryan Tannehill on the sidelines face of disappointment, but deep down he knows no one is anywhere close to take away his starting job when he returns next year. Lets go through Thursday’s matchup’s main points to truly understand the bizarre and massacre-like nature of this matchup.

  1. This game was very basic during the first quarter, with only a Jeremy Maclin TD scored from a Joe Flacco pass that was both of their only TD of the game.
  2. Speaking of Flacco, did you see him get hit in the second quarter after driving his team in the Red Zone. Fun Fact: One of Kiko Alonso’s best games came against the Ravens during his Bills rookie season, where he made an incredible interception to beat the defending (at the time)Super Bowl Champions. That was a great memory, which is unfortunate that one of Kiko’s worst career memories also came against the Ravens. Joe Flacco was short of the first down when he gave up, but Kiko’s dangerous, potentially but not ruled flagrant, late hit led to an Mallet TD, which was given up on a play where Kiko blew his coverage. Thanks Kiko.
  3. By the Way, Ryan Mallett had an unexpectedly wonderful day. He is considered by some NFL writers as one of the worst backup QB’s in the league and is not good enough to beat Colin Kaepernick, and yet led the team to an additional 30 points in less than 3 quarters (*2 of them were pick 6’s from Matt Moore).
  4. The Dolphins had 40 yards rushing Thursday against the worst rushing defense in the NFL. The Dolphins rushing attack made the Ravens Defense look like a tough brick wall, yet this defense is more likely  to be made as Casper the Friendly Ghost.
  5. Finally, at the end of the game, the announcers focused on a cat that made it onto the field. This is how over the game was that Tony Romo went into a conversation with Jim Nantz on cats. The Cat scored the same amount of points as the Dolphins today. It’s appropriate, as the Dolphins will be licking their wounds this week after this matchup.

Making Sense of the Week 7 Madness

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Week 7 of the 2017 NFL Season is in the books, and it’s time to interpret the madness moving forward. Here are the main things to remember about this Week 7, 2017.

Carolina Panthers 3 vs. Chicago Bears 17:

So apparently, the Chicago Bears need to just attempt 7 PASSES to win a game against a relatively competitive team. SERIOUSLY, Of those 7, Trubisky completed 4!!! NO TEAM SHOULD WIN A GAME IN THE NFL WITH AN AVERAGE OF 1 COMPLETED PASS PER QUARTER! The Bears won by 14. Get it Together PanthersTune in next week where the Bears will demolish the saints with 200 yards receiving from their punter and some random drunk guy in the stands.

Tennessee Titans 12 vs. Cleveland Browns 9:

If this game was on HBO, it would called Game of Field Goals, because that is basically what this was. Actually, if this game replaced an episode of HBO Game of Thrones, no one would no the difference. The Titans uniforms make them look like White Walkers, This game seemingly went on forever, and someone we barely even knew (Kizer) was replaced with someone (Kessler) with a fan “favorite” that will likely not be around by the end of the season. I know this sounds like a stretch, but it makes a Browns game watchable.

New Orleans Saints 26 vs. Green Bay Packers 17:

This was supposed to be a matchup of Hall of Fame QB vs. Hall of Fame QB when this game was drawn up in April. Well…Hundley has time to improve and be the next in the line of Great Packers QBs. I mean time will only tell if Hundley is the Packers future, but as their present? Good news is that Aaron Rodgers could be back by the end of this season for a (hypothetical, and yes hypothetical seems to be a stretch at this point) postseason run.

Jacksonville Jaguars 27 vs. Indianapolis Colts 0:

Look on the bright side Colts fans, it’s only a loss to a surprisingly competitive division rival in pursuit of a division title your currently nowhere close to achieving in a season where you franchise QB might not even play a snap after a setback earlier this week in practice which will probably cost your cancer survivor head coach that once brought you to an AFC title game his job by the end of this miserable season. No big deal, right?

Arizona Cardinals 0 vs. Los Angeles Rams 33:

So Apparently, only 1 Carson is allowed to play a decent NFL QB at a time. Carson Palmer took a major injury that will cost him most, if not all, of the remaining 2017 slate. There’s a chance that we have seen the last of one of the NFL’s longest mainstay. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the career of Carson Palmer……………………………..Well, he was a starting NFL QB and didn’t suck all the time. Enjoy your likely retirement Carson, you’ll be mostly forgotten.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27 vs. Buffalo Bills 30:

The Bills may have won this game on the standings sheet, but the Buccaneers might be the true winners of this game. Don’t get me wrong, there are many flaws with this 2-4 team that I’m pretty sure will not see the light of the postseason this year, and I could go over the many plays that could’ve won the game for the Bucs, but lets talk about the last play of the game for a moment. There was a lateral during the final seconds of the matchup that will go down in NFL as one of the longest plays in the history of the league. This lateral attempt lasted 45 SECONDS and for a moment it didn’t seem the Bills were able to tackle anyone no matter how hard they tried. This almost rendered the last 3 incredible minutes of the game pointless in what could’ve been one of the worst regular season letdowns in Bills History. The Bills might be looking toward a playoff push, but the Buccaneers and their fans may have comfort in knowing that the final play of the game will lead to many Bills Fans needing to take antacids in the coming days.

New York Jets 28 vs. Miami Dolphins 31:

Jay Cutler getting hurt might be the best thing that could’ve been the best thing for the Dolphins to be competitive late this season. I feel bad for Jay and his family for the pain he must be suffering from right now, but if I had to be honest, Matthew Moore is probably the best QB on the Dolphins roster right now. This offense with Jay Cutler was shut out by the Saints, whose definition of a defense might as well be a beaded door. Jay Cutler couldn’t run a successful against an actual beaded door. Moore was able to bring the Dolphins back to beat the Jets. Are the Jets by any means a competent defense, no, but they are not a gold and black beaded door.

Baltimore Ravens 16 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24:

Remember when Joe Flacco actually brought his team to the playoffs and won a Super Bowl with the Ravens. Flacco was then signed to a $100 million dollar contract with enough guaranteed money that will let him retire comfortably. Ever wonder why NFL players get greedy and urgent in contract negotiations, this season and injury are the reasons why. Its one thing if your team, like the Colts, has problems beyond your franchise QB that even he can’t save you. This can somewhat apply to the Ravens team, but Flacco should still be playing better football. It’s hard to justify an expensive contract for a QB when your QB only gets 1 TD in a game halfway through the season against a beatable defense and is not an outlier on his season’s work.

Dallas Cowboys 40 vs. San Francisco 49ers 10:

I know the 49ers are a winless team were going against a squad that had at least the personal of a postseason run, but this is just sad. The 49ers went 5 straight games losing by 3 or less points and then loses to non-division leading team by over 30 points. Elliott scored 3 TDS. Did you even bother to watch game footage of the starting RB in case he was eligible, because it sure looked liked overconfidence hangs over your head in this loss. The 49ers are not worst team in football, but are playing like it. This team nearly beat the Seahawks, Rams, and the Redskins. If the 49ers somehow become a winless team this year, they will be known as the most unfortunate team in NFL history. Only 9 more games to go to make that a reality.

Cincinnati Bengals 14 vs. Pittsburgh
Steelers 29:

I know we are only halfway through the season and a lot could happen over the next couple of months, but I feel pretty safe to say the Steelers will be the lone AFC North representative in the AFC Postseason. The Bengals are the second best team in the Steeler led division, but that’s more on the Ravens and Browns finding ways to lose winnable games. The Bengals are like an NBC Sitcom, they would’ve been cancelled on any other network, but because their on NBC they’ll find a way to stick around for another season. Don’t be too surprised if that’s the postseason fate of Marvin Lewis.

Denver Broncos 0 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 21:

I’m sorry, it looks like there is a computer glitch, I want to personally congratulate the Denver Broncos on their shuto…I’m sorry…what happened…No, that can’t be right…They were in deep Chargers territory twice, I know their offense isn’t the best but surely…your kidding me. I guess congratulations on the Chargers and Melvin Gordon on their huge da…I’m sorry…there’s no way it could’ve been that low. I’m sorry for the Melvin Gordon and his family during this diffi…he apparently was not much more hurt as he came into the game. Come on Broncos, you started the year 2-0 and you get shutout by the worst team in your division, Shame.

Seattle Seahawks 24 vs. New York Giants 7:

Anyone watching Sunday Night Football last week and saw the Giants obliterate the Broncos can now calm down, as the Giants true post-OBJ form has been shown. Giants fans, welcome to the rest of your season. The rest of your season is complete with:

  • Disappointing days from your two time Super Bowl winning QB
  • Penalties and Reviews not going your way
  • TE Engram being your most effective receiver
  • Middle of the road teams running all over you
  • And finally, a decent draft pick to pick your successor to the Manning throne.

You have an important choice to make come spring, but for now, enjoy the disappointing madness known as 2017.

New England Patriots 23 vs. Atlanta Falcons 7:

Aren’t the Falcons better than this. Maybe the fog is getting to me, but I had the strangest dream that the Falcons once a competitive team. They just kept winning game after game after game and Julio Jones torched the Panthers for 300 yards. They made the Playoffs with the first seed and beat the Seahawks and Packers with ease. They made it the Super Bowl and went against the Patriots and owned a 28-3 in the third quarter before the Patriots cheated their way to another title. This must’ve all been a crazy dream right? It’s too crazy to be true right? Right?