Breaking Down the Amazing (and Pathetic) Divisional Round Weekend

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We are down to 4 teams going into Sunday’s Championship Games, and 3 of the remaining 4 teams have QB’s no one guessed could be Super Bowl Championship. Nick Foles, Blake Bortles, and Case Keenum have an opportunity to make their mark on NFL history as a Super Bowl winning QB. Either that or Brady wins again, yay…(Punches 3 holes in wall and scream a horrible curse word at 2 AM in the morning in college apartment building). Before this Sunday’s matchup, let’s go over how we got here in this week’s breakdown.

Atlanta Falcons 10 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 15

Seriously Atlanta, you probably have the easiest of the NFC playoff teams because their would’ve been MVP candidate QB is on IR and you managed to lose by only scoring 10 points. Didn’t you have any offensive fire power in Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, and Devonta Freeman. Even you secondary options include Tevin Coleman and Mohamad Sanu. Teams would kill for this kind of talent and you scored only 10 points. Shame on you Falcons. I really don’t want to see the Eagles make the postseason, as I think they’d get run over by the AFC representative. By the way…

Tennessee Titans 14 vs. New England Patriots 35

This looked like an upset in the making for all of 1 quarter, and then New England dismantled the Titans for the rest of the game in this embarrassing end to the Titans season. I’m all for upsets in the postseason, but there are certain teams that have too many flaws to make a deep run. This means that a Wild Card upset by one of these teams will lead to a game like this later down the road. This Titans team didn’t have the talent to even have a chance to survive New England or even half of the playoff field. Kansas City did, which makes this result disappointing from a postseason standpoint. Well it looks like we’re going to get Patriots vs. Steelers like everyone expected, BUT WAIT…

Jacksonville Jaguars 45 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers 42

TJ Watt is never going to hear the end of this from his brother. The Jaguars are in the AFC Championship game, lets just think about that for a second.

That’s how weak the AFC has been all year, and hopefully the draft will help create more contenders in the mediocre conference. But back to the Jaguars, credit goes to the Jaguars Defense and Leonard Fournette for putting pressure on the Steelers early and often. They made Ben Roethlisberger need a perfect game and while his numbers were outstanding (469 yards and 5 TDs) his two turnovers led to points that decided the game for the Jaguars. I hope Jacksonville puts up a fight against New England, as only Patriots fans want another Patriots Super Bowl. This upset would’ve been the top story of this weekend had it not been for…

New Orleans Saints 24 vs. Minnesota Vikings 29

HOLY CRAP WHAT AN ENDING! MOVE OVER (insert relevant plot driven TV phenomena here) AMERICA’S MOST SURPRISE ENDING GOES TO THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS. In a game the Saints seemingly locked up with a late TD, it was 3rd and 10 on the Vikings 39 yard line with 10 seconds left when the Saints Defense completely blew their coverage on a Stefon Diggs catch and that set up him to go the remaining distance with no one threatening to stop him. Its important to note that if they didn’t blow the coverage, Diggs would’ve likely have gotten out of bounds to force a 50 yard field goal, so even doing things right might’ve led to a similar outcome.

Watching Viking Fans React to this is Amazingly Funny to Watch.
Watching Saints Fans React to this is Even Better.

Case Keenum is likely our best hope for a new champion this season, and with the Vikings fan base suffering for as long as it has I absolutely root for the Vikings the rest of the way through. Now do what Matt Ryan and his high powered offense couldn’t and beat the banged up Eagles for a first time Home Field Advantage in the Super Bowl.

Breaking Down The Ultimately Meaningful Week 17 Games

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Happy 2018 everyone. The 12 postseason teams have been decided, along with matchups and start times for each game in the Wild Card Weekend. I will post “Obituary” of every Non-Playoff Team on Friday (1/5/2018), along with predictions for these important Wild Card Weekend games. Fun Fact, we technically have a 1/3 chance that a team that went into the year suffering a long playoff drought will leave this year with a championship. Those odds will likely change negatively over the course of the next week, but we’ll see what happens. For now, here is my Week 17 Breakdown of 2017.

Other Games Important Notes

  • Jets couldn’t even come close to keeping up with the Patriots, as handed them the 1 seed in a brutal blowout.
  • Browns went 0-16 after a Corey Coleman drop cost them a chance to beat the Steelers backups. Corey Coleman should head home and not get back to Cleveland until the very last possible minute for his potential safety.
  • Vikings end Fox’s coaching tenure with the Chicago Bears in an embarrassing game for the Bears. Think about the 2016 World Series Chicago, this could be a long road for football.
  • Saints find a way to lose to a pathetic Buccaneers team, but still won the 4 seed with the Panthers losing as well.
  • Rams lose to the future NFC nightmare known as the 49ers with Jimmy G being the hottest name in that part of California. Despite that, Panthers and Saints losses kept the Rams in the 3rd seed despite the outcome.
  • The Chargers beat the Raiders handily, but due to the outcome of the Titans game their effort was for naught. One unlucky defeat earlier this season gets reversed and the Chargers season wouldn’t be over yet. I feel bad for Los Angeles, but not bad enough.
  • This same fate befalls the Seattle Seahawks as well, although they lost in a close game to the Cardinals in what was Bruce Arians final game as a Head Coach in the NFL. Enjoy your Retirement Bruce. Seahawks players and fans heal up, as the NFC West is only going to get harder to win from here on out.

Here are the 4 Games that Really Changed the Landscape of the NFL Postseason:

Carolina Panthers 10 vs. Atlanta Falcons 22

In a game that the Falcons and Panthers  both thought they needed to win, it seems the Falcons 28-3 previous year memory prevailed and made sure to not rely on the Cardinals to upset the Seahawks (Spoiler Alert: They Did). The MVP on this game is Matt Bryant’s kicking leg, as he kicked 5 field goals successfully to make up the majority of the Falcons scoring. That won’t likely be enough to beat the Rams in the postseason, but I’ve heard that Matt Ryan, Devonta Freeman and Julio Jones are no slouches on offense. With Nick Foles playing at QB for an flawed 1 seed Eagles team, a win next week could put this 6 seed on the path to a Super Bowl return. As for the Panthers, you prize for losing is you get to the play the New Orleans Saints, in New Orleans. Good luck with that, and you’re going to need a lot of that if you play like you did this week.

Jacksonville Jaguars 10 vs. Tennessee Titans 15

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Doug Marrone decided not to rest his starters for his already locked 3 seed Jaguars teams. He wanted to create some momentum after losing the previous week to the San Francisco 49ers featuring Jimmy Garoppolo. In retrospect, this game would’ve been more encouraging if you did decide to rest your starters, as the only TD you scored was on a gifted Titans fumble run to the end zone. Neither of these teams looked like playoffs squads in this game, but the Titans “victory” (we have to call that for legal reasons) gave them the 5 seed, which they will be waiting to ultimately face their demise against an rising Chiefs squad. As for the Jaguars, playing like this next week will definitely end your season.

Buffalo Bills 22 vs. Miami Dolphins 16

So the Buffalo Bills needed this win to get to 9-7 and a shot at the postseason for the first time in 17 years and the Dolphins attempted to spoil this game with Jay Cutler at QB. Hold On…I’ve been informed the Cutler left early in the game with an injury and David Fales had to come in to play most of the game as Matt Moore was inactive due to injury. I mean Fales doesn’t sound encouraging from a last name standpoint. This game ended closer than it should’ve been because Buffalo found a way to blow a majority of a 19 point lead that luckily for them ended with a interception in the final minutes of play and Buffalo ends the season 9-7. Lesean McCoy took what look to be a significant injury (turned out to be an ankle sprain) and had to leave the game midway through, which would be concerning in a potential WC game situation. When this game ended, the Ravens and Bengals were still going on and Buffalo’s only path to postseason at that point is a Ravens loss. Funny that’s what they needed…

Cincinnati Bengals 31 vs. Baltimore Ravens 27

This game not suppose to necessarily matter for the Ravens, as they could’ve also gotten in with a Buffalo or Titans Loss. Neither of these teams lost their game it turns out, meaning that near the end of this match, the Ravens season would come down to one final stop. It was 27-24 Ravens, and they got the Bengals to a 4th and 12. Andy Dalton should not have inspired confidence for anyone based on the way he played this season, although he has been known for being a clutch QB for when the time is right. But lets be honest, the Bills are despised by the Football Gods and there is no way they were going to let the Bills in the postseason in our lifetimes. So Andy Dalton snaps the ball, and he throws it into significant coverage and…TYLER BOYD CATCHES THE BALL. GO! MOVE TO THE ENDZONE. HURRY, PLEASE! TOUCHDOWN! OH MY GOD, THE BENGALS DON’T SUCK. Alright, but the Bengals Defense has been giving up points towards the end of the game, it’ll just be more heartbreaking for Bills fans when the Ravens…THEY WERE SHORT ON 4TH DOWN BY 1 YARD?!?! THE BILLS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS. THANK GOD! HOLY F*** THE DROUGHT IS OVER. IN YOUR FACE, HATERS! SCREW THE RAVENS, WOO!!! THE BILLS ARE IN THE POSTSEASON FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1999! WHO CARES IF THIS IS A 1 AND DONE, THIS IS WORTH IT! OH, AND THEY PLAY THE JAGUARS SO THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN A PLAYOFF GAME AS WELL! HAPPY NEW YEARS BILLS FANS, FOR ALL AQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT…(Goes Way Longer Than You Care To Read).

Sorry to the Ravens on a disappointing end to your season, but not sorry enough to not post this.

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking Down the Merry NFL Week 16

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First of all, we hope you had a Merry Christmas. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day cleared up the cluttered mess known as the NFL picture a little bit.  are straight forward, while others take specific results to happen. The one thing that we left this week with is 9 playoff spots filled, with only 3 open slots remaining that only 6 teams are eligible for. I’ll go more into that later this week in a separate post, but with one week remaining lets evaluate the state of the NFL with this Week 16’s meaningful games.

Note: While Not Covered Here, the Browns lost did clinch the Number 1 pick. Unfortunately, they’re one Steelers loss away from going 0-16, they’re probably going to fire their coach, Kizer will not likely be given another year in Cleveland, and the overall state of your franchise leads me to believe you still have a long rebuild ahead of you. Well at least Cleveland still has LeBron James, for now.

Indianapolis Colts 16 vs. Baltimore Ravens 23

This game shouldn’t have been this close. The then 3-11 Colts shouldn’t have been in this game in the fourth quarter. While the offensive points and Joe Flacco’s passer rating looks good on paper, the offense relatively struggled against a mediocre Colts Defense. This was an important win though, as the only way the Ravens miss the postseason is for 3 outcomes not to go their way. Your the only 9-6 team in the WC picture as of this moment, but if you play next week like you did the Colts and you might be looking for help on the out of town scoreboard.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 19 vs. Carolina Panthers 22

Congratulations, a two yard play that could’ve easily ended in a turnover instead ended in a TD and now you’re guaranteed a spot in the tough NFC playoffs. Honestly though, the Carolina Panthers are the Plaxico Burress of the NFC. There is absolutely a lot of high end promise in this franchise, but they find ways to keep shooting yourself in the foot. This is passable in Tampa Bay, but if you take this play against any of the (including potential) playoff teams and your season will end there. Next Week at the Falcons could be for the division and can see your division rival miss an opportunity for Super Bowl redemption.  Then again, when opportunity is presented to Plaxico…

Detroit Lions 17 vs. Cincinnati Bengals 26

Huh, maybe Cincinnati should try to retain Marvin Lewis after all. After starting the season with an offense that failed to score a TD in the first two games, you’ve ended Week 16 not in the playoff picture, but taking out the resilient and yet hopeless Detroit Lions. The Lions weren’t going to do anything serious in the postseason, which is why this victory weeds out the week and we thank you for that. You now potentially have a similar opportunity to do that to the Ravens. While they might still get in through other potential outcomes, at least you could make them sweat with a 14 point lead a halftime. Hollow victories are still technically victories, Right?

Miami Dolphins 13 vs. Kansas City Chiefs 29

Both teams entered with a lot to play for in Week 16 and both teams left with nothing to play for in Week 17. These two teams though got to that conclusion differently. The Kansas City Chiefs caught a break by catching Jay Cutler at the right time (15/16 games of the year) and clinching not only the playoffs and the division, but are now locked into the 4 seed. Its time for Andy Reid to rest his starters and prepare for likely a dangerous WC team or the Tennessee Titans. On the other hand, the Dolphins are officially eliminated from postseason contention with this loss, although could continue Buffalo’s playoff drought with a Week 17 win. Fun Fact: That would be back to back years the Dolphins eliminated the Bills from postseason contention. Fun Fact: The previous fun fact was not a fun fact to any football fan in the WNY region.

Buffalo Bills 16 vs. New England Patriots 37

I wasn’t shocked to see the Kelvin Benjamin catch to be overturned, as the NFL catch rule doesn’t apply when the game involves the New England Patriots. Whether that was a catch or not, the Bills were probably going to lose this game. That was honestly expected and the Dolphins matchup next week will be more important to attempt to end this circa 1999 playoff drought. It won’t be a win and in like it would’ve been if they won this game, but they can manage to squeeze through with reasonable help. Patriots on the other hand are 1 game away from the 1 seed and playing the Bryce Petty starting Jets. Its going to be a very cold and bitter road to the playoffs for AFC teams this year.

Atlanta Falcons 13 vs. New Orleans Saints 23

2 Go In 1 comes out with a playoff birth and the other is likely able to get in next week. This game had high stakes, but the consequence for losing wasn’t that severe. This game was in the Saints control the entire way through the game, with the score being 20-3 by the end of the third quarter. At least the Saints didn’t score 8 more points to replay a recent postseason memory for the Falcons.

New York Jets 7 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 14

The Chargers deserved to miss the postseason if they lost to Bryce Petty and the Jets. Another game this week that involved a postseason bubble team and a “football team” that should’ve been decided way sooner than it was. This might not cut it against the Raiders next week for the Chargers, and even a victory there requires a decent amount of help to make it in the playoffs. Good Luck to the Jets against New England, although all that will do is potentially play your way out of a franchise QB. I’m not saying the Jets should tank, but the army called and offered up their vehicles for Yankees tickets and the Jets would be stupid to not take that offer.

Los Angeles Rams 27 vs. Tennessee Titans 23

The Titans losing was potentially in their best interest, as a victory over Jacksonville gives them a stronger 9-7. It also forces other teams (Bills, Chargers) to root for other outcomes to sneak their way in. The Jaguars also are locked in to the 3 seed so they should be playing their backups, you’ve got this. You did lose 3 straight games to the Rams inferior opponents but should still have this. On the Rams side this win has clinched the NFC West and it looks like…Wait…Doug Marrone isn’t benching his starters and is playing to win. He knows this lost could lead you guys out of the postseason and cause the Titans HC to be fired for the collapse, I hate to admit it but that is a well thought out strategic move on the Jaguars front. I wonder why else he’d be so motivated to win.

Jacksonville Jaguars 33 vs. San Francisco 49ers 44

Oh, that’s why. Losing to a 49ers team that is looking a lot stronger than their record is nothing to be ashamed of, anymore. The Jaguars need to look for momentum in their Week 17 matchup. This match’s loss locked in the 3 seed for the Jaguars with the addition of the Steelers Victory and while it may look like they have nothing to play from a tangible side, Bortles 3 interceptions and the Defense’s weaknesses need to be addressed before the WC game or this team could suffer an early exit if they play a tougher opponent than the Titans. So, any other option it seems like.

Seattle Seahawks 21 vs. Dallas Cowboys 12

2 Go In, 1 comes out only to likely to be killed next week either bye their own ineptitudes or outside factors. In theory, a Week 16 death match on Christmas Eve should be a blast, but instead showcased why neither of these teams should play beyond the regular season schedule. Also, why was Jason Garrett’s job in question after this loss, it wasn’t his fault his star RB’s appeal to the NFL failed at the worst possible time and tough opponents put the Cowboys in a too little, too late position. At least Elliott now can argue for more compensation should he win his lawsuit against the NFL.

On a Side Note: Dak’s struggles won my RIT Fantasy League this year, so thanks Dak for costing your team because this couldn’t have been done by the Seahawks defense alone.

Pittsburgh Steelers 34 vs. Houston Texans 6

I’m very scared of the Texans next year. Sure, the Steelers did win this game by a lot and are now guaranteed a bye in the AFC Postseason at least, but can we talk about the way the Texans scored their 6 points. It was on the best TD catch of the entire NFL season made by DeAndre Hopkins. If you haven’t seen it, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y-346ULfoY

My Thoughts:

  1. It was better than the legendary OBJ catch (Fight Me).
  2. Yes Hopkins held, but it didn’t matter other than for Fantasy (Didn’t have him though) and overall amazement of Christmas Football.
  3. For all the talk on what is, and isn’t a catch (See last week’s post and above), I’m glad the officials got into the giving spirit and let this amazing grab stand.

When JJ Watt and Deshawn Watson return, no one is going to want to play the Texans. Jaguars better make the postseason appearance count, they might not return for a long time.

Oakland Raiders 10 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 19

It was the night of Christmas and all through the Stadium? Yeah, I’m not going through that for this game. This game was just unwatchable at times. Unless you were plowed Eggnog and/or other substances, Even if your an Eagles Fan, you didn’t have the will to watch this game live in its entirety. The amusement of this game for me was to watch these two potentially tough teams struggle to even get points on the board at times despite their field position. Congratulations to the Eagles for locking the 1 seed for the 2017 NFL Playoffs, your going to need it. As for the Raiders, at least you can ruin the Chargers season for sure with a win. After that, get ready for what possibly might be your last season in Oakland, and YOU’D BETTER AT LEAST MAKE THE POSTSEASON THIS TIME. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Bills Fan and I don’t want you taking our potential spot in the Playoffs next year. I just hate to see the Raiders tenure with Oakland and its fans go out on a wimper like this season will.

 

 

Breaking Down NFL Week 15

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That Week 15 has started to truly divide the NFL into 3 groups. The first group are the 5 teams who’ve clinched their postseason ticket, and if you’re the Philadelphia Eagles a first round bye. Start plotting your postseason run now, and maybe you’ll find your way in Super Bowl LII. The second group of teams are 13 teams mathematically eliminated from postseason contention. To these unlucky 13, get ready for a long offseason and draft process to right this wrong in 2018, you sad sorry sons of female dogs. Finally, we a left with 14 teams vying for the 7 remaining spots in the postseason. Whether you’re odds are long or short, the goal now is to make into Week 17 with a path in. Anything can happen on any given week, so make sure you have a way in come New Years Eve. Lets break down how we got here in our relevant games to NFL Week 15.

Los Angeles Chargers 13 vs. Kansas City Chiefs 30

Welcome to the obligatory Saturday Night Football late season match that we go through to confuse Football Fans down the stretch. The AFC West is on the line between two teams that started so very differently. The Kansas City (should’ve locked this division by now) Chiefs was the last remaining team with a undefeated record and even in Week 15 are unable to lock down their postseason return ticket yet. Their opponent for the division crown are the unlucky yet plucky Los Angeles Chargers who started the year 0-4 have somehow stayed in reaching distance of a team that started 5-0. This is like Rocky, if Apollo Creed was on the decline going into the match, and if Apollo Creed won the match, and if boxing was football. Technically the Chiefs could still miss the postseason if they lose out and the Chargers win out, but that’s a lot to ask for. Although it was a lot to ask for this game to be relevant going into Week 5, so…

Miami Dolphins 16 vs. Buffalo Bills 24

The Buffalo Bills won this all important game that gives them a postseason scenario in Week 17 for the first time since:

  • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban debuted in theaters
  • Lost started to confuse the Hell out of us with Season 1
  • Jimmy Fallon left SNL to onto his failed movie career (See Fever Pitch, although if you did his movie career wouldn’t have flopped).
  • Our Friends left us, but at least we still have Joey
  • LeBron was starting his second season (not stint) with the Cavs

If that seems long ago to you, just wait until you see the list of things that were relevant the last time the Bills made the postseason. If the second half echoes anything though, we might have to.

Houston Texans 7 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 45

Was the result obvious, yes. Sad, yes. Boring if not a Jaguars fan, so everyone except 12 people worldwide, yes. But this game did clinch the Jaguars spot in the postseason for the first time since 2007, so that’s something. Are the Jaguars a decent football team, yes. Are they Super Bowl contenders yet, don’t push your luck. Remember, Blake Bortles is still the quarterback.

Cincinnati Bengals 7 vs. Minnesota Vikings 34

Its like the Jaguars game, except this clinched the NFC North, involved a better overall winner, and somehow mathematically was a closer result. Also, Teddy Bridgewater is back, to kneel down and not risk the injury of their “star” quarterback…Case Keenum. The Vikings better realize soon that Case Keenum cannot win a Super Bowl soon or they’ll be done faster than you can say 1999 NFC Championship Game (“Damn” while slamming fist on countertop).

New York Jets 19 vs. New Orleans Saints 31

This game was a lot closer than it should’ve been. New Orleans, you should be ashamed of yourselves for dragging the game out the way you did. Although we all should be ashamed that it took until Week 15 to mathematically eliminated the mostly Josh McCown led New York Jets team. Apparently, the Jets also don’t know what a tank is. A tank is when you lose so many games that your draft position gets high enough where you can draft a Franchise player with easy. Enjoy potentially missing the top 10 you sad pathetic franchise for years to come.

Philadelphia Eagles 34 vs. New York Giants 29

What is with these lopsided talent matchups leading to close results. Although I probably shouldn’t say Nick Foles is “lopsided” compared to 2X Super Bowl Winner Eli Manning. The Giants almost pulled the upset off, as they led 21-7 at the beginning of the second quarter. It was all downhill from there. I would say that was the Giants season in a nutshell, but that would require a high point in the beginning, or at all. Anyways the non-Carson Wentz led Eagles squad will now get a first round bye and it puts Philadelphia in realistic position to host the NFC Championship game when all is said and done.

Arizona Cardinals 15 vs. Washington Redskins 20

A team that was already eliminated from postseason contention eliminated a different team from postseason contention but to be honest was already on the verge of being eliminated from postseason contention and both teams wore red. Got That?

Los Angeles Rams 42 vs. Seattle Seahawks 7

Seriously, this is the third game I covered that the losing team only managed to score a measly 7 points while being blown out by a probable if not definitive playoff team. I feel that the football gods got lazy and decided to cut-copy-paste the Bengals-Vikings game to the Jets-Saints and Rams-Seahawks matchups. Anyways, Rams can clinch the division with another win and the Seahawks are now in a sudden death game against the Cowboys.

New England Patriots 27 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers 24

To the NFL

Here I Proclaim

A Plea

To Right the

 

Wrongs Of This

Aggravating Management

So It May Prosper

 

Again In This New

 

Culture of

Accurate Views of

The Public’s

Callings and

Hollers.

You M************ A*******.

Tennessee Titans 23 vs. San Francisco 49ers 25

All hail your new savior, Jimmy Garoppolo. Seriously, what were the Patriots thinking when getting rid of this guy. Move Over Steph Curry, as Jimmy G solves all. He hasn’t been in the Bay Area for half a season and it looks like making this trade sooner might’ve put the 49ers in the postseason after all. The Titans matchup against the Jaguars in Week 17 looks important in the wrong way now, as a loss here might end their promising season.

Dallas Cowboys 20 vs. Oakland Raiders 17

So apparently you can lose a football game by fumbling in your opponents end zone, letting it go out of bounds and its called a touchback for the other team, ending your drive. That seems like it rewards the other team for almost allowing their opponents to dominate them for 70+ yards and if at any other point in the field when the ball goes out of bounds, its marked for the driving team but when it gets to that crucial point, the game decided to basically say “screw it” and give it to the underserving team. This rule basically but not mathematically ends the Raiders postseason hopes and makes the Cowboys game against the Seahawks a sudden death game. Well, at least were guaranteed one game with relatively high stakes next weeks. TWO GO IN, ONE COMES OUT ONLY TO GO IN AGAIN AND PROBABLY NOT COME OUT. It’s the way things go sometimes.

Atlanta Falcons 24 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21

Congratulations Atlanta. Before you say anything, you’ve not officially cinched the postseason, but you prevent an Aaron Rodgers postseason run and that can only help you odds come January in the likely event you make it. By the way Packers fans who are upset with this news, you’ve shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up relying on a Tampa Bay kicker to send the game to OT in any situation. I don’t even completely trust TB kickers to make extra points, so every time that happens its a little bit of a surprise. Maybe next year cheese-heads, but until then you can watch the Falcons likely make the postseason, only to lose at some point in humiliating fashion. That won’t be completely satisfying, Welcome to the life of being an (insert reoccurringly disappointing franchise here) fan.

 

Monday Headlines For NFL Sunday Week 12

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Welcome to Monday Headlines on UltimateFumble.com. These articles will make predictions for the upcoming NFL Sunday matchups by predicting the headline that will show up relating to that game. All Publications are welcome to use these headlines if they’re applicable. Starting with Week 7, Monday Headlines currently has a 31-28 record. Without further ado, Let’s Get Started.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons: Rated ARR, For Excessive Pirate Murder

Score: Buccaneers 3, Falcons 41

Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals: Old Yeller, The Hue Jackson Story

Score: Browns 6, Bengals 27 

Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts: Off To The Races

Score: Titans 14, Colts 30

Buffalo Bills vs. Kansas City Chiefs: Tribal Council

Score: Bills 17, Chiefs 21

Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots: Dolphin Meat ON SALE!

Score: Dolphins 3, Patriots 24

Carolina Panthers vs. New York Jets: USAir Flight 1016 (Look It Up)

Score: Panthers 30, Jets 10

Chicago Bears vs. Philadelphia Eagles: Lions And Tigers And Most Importantly The Bears Lose Horribly

Score: Bears: 13, Eagles 41

Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers: IT WAS BETTER IN 1849

Score: Seahawks 24, 49ers 7

New Orleans Saints vs. Los Angeles Rams: Hollywood Beats Saints, Like Always

Score: Saints 27, Rams 30

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Arizona Cardinals: If The Jaguars Fall In Arizona, Does It Really Matter?

Score: Jaguars 17, Cardinals 20

Denver Broncos vs. Oakland Raiders: Denver, Where Good Football Used To Be

Score: Broncos 23, Raiders 27

Green Bay Packers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers: That’s For 2010, Green Bay

Score: Packers 13, Steelers 33

 

 

NFL Sunday Week 11 Breakdown

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This was a very heavy turnover, decisive, and yet shocking week in the NFL. The NFC is looking more and more decisive and the AFC just became more cluttered with the Ravens and Bills currently occupying the 6 seed at 5 wins. 9-7 will be successful for getting to the postseason in the AFC and the Ravens look like the team to do it, although so many other teams are on their tail that a slip-up will open the door. Let’s cover game by game with the main takeaways from NFL Week 11.

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 vs. Cleveland Browns 7

There are 2 ways to look at the result of this game. The first way is to say that only beating the Browns by 12 is a pathetic sign and the Jaguars making the playoffs is currently a skeptical outlook at best. The other way to look at this is that the Browns, while winless, are a team that keeps games close and might find a way to win 1 or 2 games before the end of this season. It’s Schrodinger’s Browns, and we’ll be opening over the next six weeks.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 30 vs. Miami Dolphins 20

Is it just me, or the Miami Dolphins better when Jay Cutler has to be benched during a game. I mean you can’t just start Matt Moore apparently, as it apparently leads to a humiliating loss on CBS. Seriously, The Big Bang Theory had to move to Mondays for THAT! Anyways, the Dolphins should consider starting Cutler for the first drive of the game, and then bench him for Matt Moore. At least that formula will win you game(s).

Detroit Lions 27 vs. Chicago Bears 24

Welcome to the Wide Right Club Bears Fans. Its just a little club where teams who have suffered humiliating defeats due to reasonable field goals sailing wide right discuss their problems and dreams. We meet every Tuesday (Mondays we rest and lick our wounds) and currently members consist of you, Viking Fans, and our club founding Bill Fans. We hope you find solace in joining this very pathetic organization, as you look towards making offseason moves to not suck as much next year.

Baltimore Ravens 23 vs. Green Bay Packers 0

Okay its Official, Aaron Rodgers’s injury did not kill your season. It definitely hurt your season, but your defense is currently the reason for your demise. HUNDLEY, I see you sneaking away from this and you’re not off the hook here. Your bakery seems to have a horrible business model for all the turnovers you have been giving away in your starts this year. Packers fans don’t deserve 5 turnovers, but the defense has to step up to pick up from your mistakes. You can’t blame Hundley for his failures too much, the Packers didn’t ask him to start, he was called upon due to injury. This season is lost, but the lesson the front office learns in its struggles on defense could help build a team that could give Aaron Rodgers and your team another Super Bowl in the near future.

Arizona Cardinals 21 vs. Houston Texans 31

This was an impressive game considering the QB’s In this were Blaine Gabbert and Tom Savage. Both teams seasons were pretty close to over going into this game, and both teams are still unlikely to make the postseason. But these teams played their hearts out in this exciting matchup. Yes, this game was exciting and I apologize in advance for my “poor” and “disgraceful” taste in good football.

Los Angeles Rams 7 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24

Wasn’t this supposed to be the “game of the week” with these potential Super Bowl participants both at 7-2 battling it out for a large advantage in important playoff seeding? Jared Goff had a very boing day, he didn’t cost his team the game through turnovers, he just failed to contribute to the team in a meaningful way that could’ve spared them this loss to a Keenum led Vikings team. This Vikings team also has Bridgewater waiting in the wings, so they might be the NFL’s best hope at defeating the Eagles in the postseason.

Washington Redskins 31 vs. New Orleans Saints 34 (OT)

The Redskins defense deserved to lose this game. Take yourselves and that arguably offensive name and sit in the corner while I belittle you. Yes, you lost to a Drew Brees led team, but you were up more than two touchdowns with 6 minutes left. This is not a game you should lose, even when your starting running back goes down with an injury. This was yours to lose and you did just that. The Saints on the other hand have proven their ability to be clutch in crucial situations, which is why the NFC is right now a 4 team race for the Super Bowl.

Kansas City Chiefs 9 vs. New York Giants 12

HOW? HOW THIS HAPPEN? JUST HOW? I MEAN… HOW? YOU HAVE….HOW DID YOU SCREW THIS UP? HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE? I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE HOW THIS COULD’VE HAPPENED? YOUR OPPONENTS LOST TO THE…HOW? HOW DID…(Goes On an Infinite Loop for All Eternity).

Buffalo Bills 24 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 54

Congratulations Nathan Peterman on your First NFL Start! Next time, lets see if you can finish a game instead of getting benched after throwing 5 INTERCEPTIONS before the end of the first half! Granted some of those interceptions were not your fault, but then again most of them were. Is it time to go back to Tyrod starting? Maybe. Does this hurt your postseason chances? Definitely. Is this loss a death sentence for the 2017 season playoff hopes? I don’t think so, yet. As witness above, Kansas City is losing to everybody now and the Bills might’ve possibility loss this game badly to the future AFC West division champs by the way these teams are currently playing. Unless you want to make a victory over Tom Brady necessary, you need to send a message to Kansas City at Arrowhead Next Sunday.

Cincinnati Bengals 20 vs. Denver Broncos 17

This game was a battle between 3-6 teams to determine which gets to keep a relatively realistic chance at a postseason run, and one team decided its best bet to that was to start Brock Osweiler. Seriously though, what’d you think would happen with that choice. Better decisions have been made, that’s all I’m saying. Completing a little over half your passes with a 1/1 ratio was a “good” day for Brock, and it still wasn’t enough. Its time to see what Paxton Lynch can do, because we now know once and for all Brock Osweiler should not be starting at QB in the NFL. If only the Broncos realized this one week sooner.

New England Patriots 33 vs. Oakland Raiders 8

In honor of the annual NFL game in Mexico, this breakdown will be submitted in Spanish. If you don’t know and don’t want to bother learning Spanish, just use Google Translate.

Los Patriotas de Nueva Inglaterra demolieron a los Raiders de Oakland en un resultado tristemente esperado. En serio, México lo tiene para su único juego de la NFL. ¿Por qué este país solo obtiene un juego al año y Londres obtiene tres? Es más fácil viajar jugadores a México y definitivamente hay interés por una franquicia en este país. Al menos aumenta los juegos, por lo que es más probable que se juegue un emparejamiento de calidad en este maravilloso país.

Philidelphia Eagles 37 vs. Dallas Cowboys 9

Is it time to start talking about questioning Dak Prescott as an NFL starting QB. The Cowboys could’ve done better in his 145 yards passing. The team didn’t find the end zone once while playing at home, which is definitely pathetic. Imagine if your neighbor hated you and one day decided to go to your house, convince your spouse to leave you for them, obtaining custody of your children along with alimony. To top all of that off, this neighbor has the guts to tell you to go to bed and do absolutely nothing and it works. There might be a better analogy, but that’s basically what the Eagles did to the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football.

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking Down NFL Week 10 (SUPER EASY QUIZ!!!)

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So, this is the NFL we live in now. Don’t get me wrong the NFC seems to be a very scary division to be in right now, and it seems there are 7-8 teams actually competitive for 6 spots remaining. Although in the AFC…15?!?! Teams have a legitimate route to the postseason as of right now. The 3-7 Colts are the seconds worst team in the conference based on record and the mediocrity of this conference gives them opportunity to win out and legitimately make the postseason. Right now, it looks like 9-7 will get an AFC team in the postseason and even then 9 teams can at most afford to lose twice in the upcoming 7 week slate to be 9-7. Actually, most teams can only afford to lose once more, as 5 of the 9 teams already have 6 losses, not including the Colts who have 7 losses. If this mediocrity keeps up, the Steelers and Patriots could clinch before Week 14 and 8-8 might have to be seriously considered as a threshold.

This week’s breakdown will done differently than previous weeks. I was watching SNL clips on Sunday Morning and got the idea from this Weekend Update segment on sexual harassment in the workplace.

NO, NO, don’t worry no one in the NFL has been accused recently…yet. It seems these questions have very obvious answers, and I feel that that could be summed up very well in Week 10. I am going to list the games in question for Week 10 (No TNF as usual, but MNF will be included going forward). The question for each game is what’s the biggest takeaway. I’m not going to tell you the answers, as this is not a hard quiz. DEEP DOWN, WE ALL KNOW THE CORRECT ANSWERS. So here we go with your Week 10 NFL Breakdown.

New York Jets 10 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 15

A. Josh McCown had a bad game, he’s the Jets future.

B. ITS FITZPATRICK TIME IN TAMPA, BABY!!!

C. Tampa was lucky they played the Jets, who are finally hitting their wall and continuing there downward spiral in QB purgatory.

D. The New York Jets organization felt bad for the Giants and gave them an opportunity to be the sole NY winner of Week 10 as pity.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20 vs. Indianapolis Colts 17

A. Steelers are slipping up, its only a matter of time until the Ravens claw to the Top.

B. The Colts are finally threatening and this game will be the final loss of 2017.

C. The Steelers could’ve played better Football Sunday, but this shouldn’t affect them going forward.

D. Colts players felt dejected after hearing more about the ongoing George Takei allegations. Oh My.

Cincinnati Bengals 20 vs. Tennessee Titans 24

A. AJ Green’s sole goal is to make Jalen Ramsey suffer, and orchestrated the coaching staff to blow the game at the end to keep the Titans on pace to the win the AFC South.

B. Watch Out Patriots, Titans are coming for the AFC.

C. The Titans took out a very beatable Bengals team and barring a collapse should have at least one additional game this season.

D. Bengals fans care about their team

New Orleans Saints 40 vs. Buffalo Bills 3

A. This is the inevitable collapse of the Bills, who are doomed to never make the postseason in anyone’s lifetime.

B. The New Orleans Defense is the best in the NFL.

C. The Bills loss is concerning, but was against a HOF QB with a decent team around him that could even threaten the Eagles in another Super Bowl run #PotentialDenial

D. 6 Rushing Touchdowns is a normal amount of rushing touchdowns to allow in any game, Right?

Cleveland Browns 24 vs. Detroit Lions 38

A. Kizer getting hurt was the biggest blow to Cleveland since LeBron James initially left years ago.

B. Stafford is a Hall of Fame QB for what he did to the Browns Defense.

C. A 0-16 Browns Season is looking more and more inevitable.

D. What’d you talking about, the Browns are undefeated. Also, Kevin Spacey and Louis CK are still beloved.

New York Giants 21 vs. San Francisco 49ers 31

A. The Giants are heading for a long playoff drought, start rooting for the Jets.

B. Who needs Garroppolo, CJ Beathard for LIFE!!!

C. The 49ers were bound to win once with all of the close finishes they’d be dealing with this year.

D. The Giants decided that Week 10 was too early to have a team mathematically eliminated from postseason contention. (49ers would’ve been the first team with that distinction this year with loss this week).

Houston Texans 7 vs. Los Angeles Rams 33

A. Why was Jared Goff benched last year? Jeff Fisher would still be Head Coach.

B. Robert Woods is Hollywood’s next sensation

C. The Rams are a competitive team and the Texans started Tom Savage. Any Questions?

D. Houston has a World Series already, that’s enough.

Green Bay Packers 23 vs. Chicago Bears 16

A. Aaron Rodgers, step aside. Its Hundley time in Green Bay.

B. Well, it was good while it lasted, Mitchell Trubisky.

C. The Bears got greedy on that challenge, which ultimately prevented this game from going into overtime.

D. The Bears have a Black Sox level scandal, as while the Packers won the game, Bears players earned themselves new Ferraris for losing.

Minnesota Vikings 38 vs. Washington Redskins 30

A. “Screw Bridgewater, Case Keenum is our Franchise QB Now.” -Vikings Management

B. Kirk Cousins needs to be benched after his abysmal 3 TD (1 Passing, 2 Rushing) day.

C. The Packers downfall has given the Vikings a 1 year window for a chance to win their first Super Bowl.

D. The Redskins will continue to lose games from this point forward until they change the name of their team.

Los Angeles Chargers 17 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 20

A. The Chargers are unable to finish most game due to the San Diego gypsy curse of 2/6/17.

B. Jacksonville’s fans were enough to carry th… Okay, this answer is wrong. The Jacksonville Jaguars don’t have fans.

C. The Jaguars were handed this game by the Chargers, who are currently in process of pre-handing the following game against the Bills due to Rivers decision to enter concussion protocol (Long Term = Good Decision, Short Term = Likely Season Killer).

D. LA needed a distraction from the UCLA scandal involving LiAngelo Ball.

Dallas Cowboys 7 vs. Atlanta Falcons 27

A. This is Ezekiel Elliott’s fault for delaying his suspension

B. This is the NFL’s fault for suspending Elliott in the first place.

C. The Cowboys have significant issues that go beyond the suspended RB.

D. This is somehow Colin Kaepernick’s fault.

New England Patriots 41 vs. Denver Broncos 16

A. TOM BRADY WILL BE GREAT FOREVER!!!

B. The Patriots are the most dominant team in football again.

C. Brock Osweiler is not a good QB, although the Patriots are becoming more intimidating each week.

D. The Patriots are deflating balls while spying on the Broncos playbooks in collusion with Russia against Donald Trump and somehow Jimmy Kimmel is the main orchestrator of all of this. #Cheatception

Miami Dolphins 21 vs. Carolina Panthers 45

A. Monday Night Football had the most exciting game of the week, like always.

B. If Matt Moore started the season at QB, the Dolphins would be beating the Patriots.

C. This was never a season the Dolphins could realistically make a playoff run with a Week 1 bye and losing their franchise QB to injury in training camp. The fact they’re still in it even with this loss is impressive.

D. Cam has earned his Yogurt Commercial deal back, as his play was clearly the main issue.

 

Monday Headlines for NFL Sunday Week 10

Welcome to Monday Headlines on UltimateFumble.com. These articles will make predictions for the upcoming NFL Sunday matchups by predicting the headline that will show up relating to that game. All Publications are welcome to use these headlines if they’re applicable. Starting with Week 7, Monday Headlines currently has a 17-18 record. Without further ado, Let’s Get Started.

New York Jets vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Decommissioned Score:

Jets 14, Buccaneers 20

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Indianapolis Colts: Big (Day) Ben

Score: Steelers 31, Colts 10

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Tennessee Titans: Murray Mauling

Score: Bengals 17, Titans 42

New Orleans Saints vs. Buffalo Bills: Saints Are Crawling In

Score: Saints 7, Bills 24

Cleveland Browns vs. Detroit Lions: Seriously, What’d You Think Happened!

Score: Browns 13, Lions30

New York Giants vs. San Francisco 49ers: King of San Francisco

Score: Giants 24, 49er 3

Houston Texans vs. Los Angeles Rams: Savagely Beaten

Score: Texans 14, Rams 13

Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Redskins: Kirk-ing Yourself

Score: Vikings 31, Redskins 16

Dallas Cowboys vs. Atlanta Falcons: Jones Call

Score: Cowboys 21, Falcons 34

New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos: Brock Bottom

Score: Patriots 41, Broncos 31

Breaking Down NFL Sunday Week 8

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Well, another week is in the books and the clutter mess that is known as the 2017 NFL Season has become a slightly less cluttered mess after week 8. Teams are starting to separate from one another, and some that were once considered division favorites are in must win mode for the next two months. Let’s go through NFL Week 8 together in this week’s Sunday Breakdown.

Minnesota Vikings 33 vs. Cleveland Browns 16:

Oh, Cleveland. You sent last week’s match against the Titans to overtime, only to collapse and lose that matchup by a field goal. It looked like you were going to give the Vikings a run for their money in London and get your first win of the season. That lasted about the half before the Curse of the Browns kicked in and the Browns left London in what turned out to be a not so close game. The Browns have gone 25 STRAIGHT SUNDAYS with a loss (They won on Christmas EVE last year, but that was on a Saturday). At least you can’t lose on the bye week, although I wouldn’t be shocked if you found a way to the way things are going.

Indianapolis Colts 23 vs. Cincinnati Bengals 24:

This looked like it could’ve gone either way for most of the game, and honestly the way I would describe the Colts loss at this point is unfortunate. The Bengals should not have let this game become so close, and the fact that it was makes me want to give Jacoby Brissett some credit. He’s been on the team for less than half a regular season and he understands the offense enough that makes me believe that he’ll win at least one game as the Colts QB. Jack Doyle had a remarkable game, catching 12 balls for 131 yards and a TD. Unfortunately, unlucky catch number 13 did not occur on this game before Halloween, and it became the game deciding play for this unlucky, unfortunate, and mostly untalented team.

Los Angeles Chargers 13 vs. New England Patriots 21:

This game shouldn’t be this close. The Patriots are coming off a Super Bowl victory and battling the lowly Chargers should’ve been decided in the first quarter in New England’s Favor. Tom Brady hasn’t hit his playing wall yet, so this is a team that’s supposed to be definitively win games. The Chargers were 23 yards and a 2-point conversion away from going into overtime against the reigning Super Bowl Champions. THIS SHOULDN’T HAPPEN. Yes, If this was the only occasion this season, it could just be a bad week for this Super Bowl contending team. The Patriots have won very few games definitively this year, only beating the out of conference Falcons and Saints by about 2 TDS. The Patriots might have won this game, but the AFC is wide open come January.

Chicago Bears 12 vs. New Orleans Saints 20:

A QB who literally completed 4 passes in his previous complete and successful start had to make 32 attempts during this game against the high powered offense known as the New Orleans Saints. How do you think that went? Answer: 14/32, 164 yards, and an interception. That can beat teams without competent offenses, but this isn’t going to cut it against future Hall of Fame Drew Brees. Brees didn’t even have a TD today, but the Bears made that fact unnecessary. Keep trying Trubisky, you possibly might get their one day.
Oakland Raiders 14 vs. Buffalo Bills 34:

I mentioned above about how the league is still pretty cluttered halfway through the seasons, but the AFC East and AFC West divisions seem to be going in opposite directions with that kind of thinking, with the Bills staying a half game back of the New England Patriots and about only 1-1.5 game(s) ahead of the Jets and Dolphins. Meanwhile, the Kansas City Chiefs seem to already have the AFC West wrapped with about a 3 game lead on all of their divisional opponents. Weren’t the Raiders suppose the challenge the Patriots for the crown this year. Well, at least Marshawn Lynch has his own reality TV show.

Atlanta Falcons 25 vs. New York Jets 20:

Dan Quinn before the Bills Matchup: “We’ve got this in the bag, Buffalo are a bunch of nobodies coming in our house, they’ve got no chance.”

Dan Quinn before the Dolphins Matchup: “We’re back from the bye with Julio Jones healthy again against a Dolphins team that was shutout by the SAINTS! Piece of Cake:”

Dan Quinn before the Patriots Matchup: “Okay, Okay, those last two losses were definitely unfortunate, and this is against the New England Patriots. Let’s just keep this game close and show America that we are still a team not to be messed with.”

Dan Quinn before the Jets Matchup: “LISTEN UP, NO ONE EATS UNLESS WE BEAT THE JETS. WE ARE NOT LOSING TO A JOSH MCCOWN LED FOOTBALL TEAM. WE ARE BEATING ONE MOTHERFLIPPING TEAM FROM THE AFC EAST AND YOU’LL ALL SUFFER MY WRATH FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!”

San Francisco 49ers 10 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 33: 

When I made predictions before this week’s matchups, I actually predicted the 49ers would win this game. I thought I was genius for calling this “trap game” and that the Carson Wentz hype was overrated and that the 49ers were due for a win against a team that was going to be thinking ahead to the Broncos Defense. Sometimes these predictions are genius decisions and sometimes its just pure paranoia. I was the latter this week.

Carolina Panthers 17 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3:

This game was a boring matchup that was decided in the first quarter. There was an article on Bleacher Report this week on the end of Cam Newton in the NFL (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2740726-cam-newtons-latest-outburst-has-some-in-nfl-wondering-if-his-end-is-near) due to his recent outbursts. The team is currently 5-2 with no end in sight right now. Are the press conference outbursts a distraction, yes.  If this was Colin Kaepernick would he never play in the NFL again, yes. Were Cam Newton’s against female reporters at least somewhat disrespectful, yes. At least he gets results though.

Dallas Cowboys 33 vs. Washington Redskins 19:

An advantage of writing this post on Tuesday Morning is that I know the outcome of the Ezekiel Elliott suspension, which right now looks like Elliott will be out of commission through Week 14. First of all, RIP anyone’s fantasy season who owns Elliott, your hope is likely gone unless you got him for a huge bargain. Second, The Cowboys are 4-3 and while it definitely looks like the Eagles have this division wrapped up pretty well, this team is still very much in the hunt for a wildcard spot. They have all 3 divisional opponents during this ban and will play the Chiefs this upcoming week. .500 is necessary at minimum during this stretch to make Elliott play with purpose in December.

Houston Texans 38 vs. Seattle Seahawks 41: 

TWO EPIC MATCHUPS WITH HOUSTON SPORTS TEAMS ON THE SAME DAY. If we and Houston sports fans like to be honest, they would happily keep the results the same, as Watson has shown Elite QB play in his Rookie Season to show at least potential for an amazing NFL career, and the Astros are one win away from the World Series. On a serious note, Houston has been reeling from the Harvey Hurricane months ago and the city of Houston needs a moral win right now. Needless to say, Go Astros. On the Texans front, they’ve just got to allow the Jaguars to collapse on themselves like they always do and they’ll find a way to sneak into the NFL Postseason. This team is currently a dangerous team if the postseason started today, and this is without JJ Watt. The future of Houston Football looks bright.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20 vs. Detroit Lions 15:

The Pittsburgh Steelers benched Martavis Bryant after he publicly demanded to be traded away from a team that in his opinion didn’t want him. Little did we know that this would trigger the Steelers making his replacement Juju Smith-Schuster an NFL name overnight after catching 7 balls for 193 yards and a TD in a primetime victory over the Lions. Maybe the Steelers don’t want Bryant on their roster after this result, maybe they never wanted Bryant in the first place. This could all be a conspiracy to make Juju the next great receiver in NFL history. Maybe the NFL is rigged to have the same teams succeed over and over again. Or… I might be looking into one game too intensely. Congrats to Juju and the now 6-2 Steelers on a successful game. As for the Lions, at least Aaron Rodgers isn’t playing, right?

Making Sense of the Week 7 Madness

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Week 7 of the 2017 NFL Season is in the books, and it’s time to interpret the madness moving forward. Here are the main things to remember about this Week 7, 2017.

Carolina Panthers 3 vs. Chicago Bears 17:

So apparently, the Chicago Bears need to just attempt 7 PASSES to win a game against a relatively competitive team. SERIOUSLY, Of those 7, Trubisky completed 4!!! NO TEAM SHOULD WIN A GAME IN THE NFL WITH AN AVERAGE OF 1 COMPLETED PASS PER QUARTER! The Bears won by 14. Get it Together PanthersTune in next week where the Bears will demolish the saints with 200 yards receiving from their punter and some random drunk guy in the stands.

Tennessee Titans 12 vs. Cleveland Browns 9:

If this game was on HBO, it would called Game of Field Goals, because that is basically what this was. Actually, if this game replaced an episode of HBO Game of Thrones, no one would no the difference. The Titans uniforms make them look like White Walkers, This game seemingly went on forever, and someone we barely even knew (Kizer) was replaced with someone (Kessler) with a fan “favorite” that will likely not be around by the end of the season. I know this sounds like a stretch, but it makes a Browns game watchable.

New Orleans Saints 26 vs. Green Bay Packers 17:

This was supposed to be a matchup of Hall of Fame QB vs. Hall of Fame QB when this game was drawn up in April. Well…Hundley has time to improve and be the next in the line of Great Packers QBs. I mean time will only tell if Hundley is the Packers future, but as their present? Good news is that Aaron Rodgers could be back by the end of this season for a (hypothetical, and yes hypothetical seems to be a stretch at this point) postseason run.

Jacksonville Jaguars 27 vs. Indianapolis Colts 0:

Look on the bright side Colts fans, it’s only a loss to a surprisingly competitive division rival in pursuit of a division title your currently nowhere close to achieving in a season where you franchise QB might not even play a snap after a setback earlier this week in practice which will probably cost your cancer survivor head coach that once brought you to an AFC title game his job by the end of this miserable season. No big deal, right?

Arizona Cardinals 0 vs. Los Angeles Rams 33:

So Apparently, only 1 Carson is allowed to play a decent NFL QB at a time. Carson Palmer took a major injury that will cost him most, if not all, of the remaining 2017 slate. There’s a chance that we have seen the last of one of the NFL’s longest mainstay. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the career of Carson Palmer……………………………..Well, he was a starting NFL QB and didn’t suck all the time. Enjoy your likely retirement Carson, you’ll be mostly forgotten.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27 vs. Buffalo Bills 30:

The Bills may have won this game on the standings sheet, but the Buccaneers might be the true winners of this game. Don’t get me wrong, there are many flaws with this 2-4 team that I’m pretty sure will not see the light of the postseason this year, and I could go over the many plays that could’ve won the game for the Bucs, but lets talk about the last play of the game for a moment. There was a lateral during the final seconds of the matchup that will go down in NFL as one of the longest plays in the history of the league. This lateral attempt lasted 45 SECONDS and for a moment it didn’t seem the Bills were able to tackle anyone no matter how hard they tried. This almost rendered the last 3 incredible minutes of the game pointless in what could’ve been one of the worst regular season letdowns in Bills History. The Bills might be looking toward a playoff push, but the Buccaneers and their fans may have comfort in knowing that the final play of the game will lead to many Bills Fans needing to take antacids in the coming days.

New York Jets 28 vs. Miami Dolphins 31:

Jay Cutler getting hurt might be the best thing that could’ve been the best thing for the Dolphins to be competitive late this season. I feel bad for Jay and his family for the pain he must be suffering from right now, but if I had to be honest, Matthew Moore is probably the best QB on the Dolphins roster right now. This offense with Jay Cutler was shut out by the Saints, whose definition of a defense might as well be a beaded door. Jay Cutler couldn’t run a successful against an actual beaded door. Moore was able to bring the Dolphins back to beat the Jets. Are the Jets by any means a competent defense, no, but they are not a gold and black beaded door.

Baltimore Ravens 16 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24:

Remember when Joe Flacco actually brought his team to the playoffs and won a Super Bowl with the Ravens. Flacco was then signed to a $100 million dollar contract with enough guaranteed money that will let him retire comfortably. Ever wonder why NFL players get greedy and urgent in contract negotiations, this season and injury are the reasons why. Its one thing if your team, like the Colts, has problems beyond your franchise QB that even he can’t save you. This can somewhat apply to the Ravens team, but Flacco should still be playing better football. It’s hard to justify an expensive contract for a QB when your QB only gets 1 TD in a game halfway through the season against a beatable defense and is not an outlier on his season’s work.

Dallas Cowboys 40 vs. San Francisco 49ers 10:

I know the 49ers are a winless team were going against a squad that had at least the personal of a postseason run, but this is just sad. The 49ers went 5 straight games losing by 3 or less points and then loses to non-division leading team by over 30 points. Elliott scored 3 TDS. Did you even bother to watch game footage of the starting RB in case he was eligible, because it sure looked liked overconfidence hangs over your head in this loss. The 49ers are not worst team in football, but are playing like it. This team nearly beat the Seahawks, Rams, and the Redskins. If the 49ers somehow become a winless team this year, they will be known as the most unfortunate team in NFL history. Only 9 more games to go to make that a reality.

Cincinnati Bengals 14 vs. Pittsburgh
Steelers 29:

I know we are only halfway through the season and a lot could happen over the next couple of months, but I feel pretty safe to say the Steelers will be the lone AFC North representative in the AFC Postseason. The Bengals are the second best team in the Steeler led division, but that’s more on the Ravens and Browns finding ways to lose winnable games. The Bengals are like an NBC Sitcom, they would’ve been cancelled on any other network, but because their on NBC they’ll find a way to stick around for another season. Don’t be too surprised if that’s the postseason fate of Marvin Lewis.

Denver Broncos 0 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 21:

I’m sorry, it looks like there is a computer glitch, I want to personally congratulate the Denver Broncos on their shuto…I’m sorry…what happened…No, that can’t be right…They were in deep Chargers territory twice, I know their offense isn’t the best but surely…your kidding me. I guess congratulations on the Chargers and Melvin Gordon on their huge da…I’m sorry…there’s no way it could’ve been that low. I’m sorry for the Melvin Gordon and his family during this diffi…he apparently was not much more hurt as he came into the game. Come on Broncos, you started the year 2-0 and you get shutout by the worst team in your division, Shame.

Seattle Seahawks 24 vs. New York Giants 7:

Anyone watching Sunday Night Football last week and saw the Giants obliterate the Broncos can now calm down, as the Giants true post-OBJ form has been shown. Giants fans, welcome to the rest of your season. The rest of your season is complete with:

  • Disappointing days from your two time Super Bowl winning QB
  • Penalties and Reviews not going your way
  • TE Engram being your most effective receiver
  • Middle of the road teams running all over you
  • And finally, a decent draft pick to pick your successor to the Manning throne.

You have an important choice to make come spring, but for now, enjoy the disappointing madness known as 2017.

New England Patriots 23 vs. Atlanta Falcons 7:

Aren’t the Falcons better than this. Maybe the fog is getting to me, but I had the strangest dream that the Falcons once a competitive team. They just kept winning game after game after game and Julio Jones torched the Panthers for 300 yards. They made the Playoffs with the first seed and beat the Seahawks and Packers with ease. They made it the Super Bowl and went against the Patriots and owned a 28-3 in the third quarter before the Patriots cheated their way to another title. This must’ve all been a crazy dream right? It’s too crazy to be true right? Right?