Breaking Down NFL Week 15

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That Week 15 has started to truly divide the NFL into 3 groups. The first group are the 5 teams who’ve clinched their postseason ticket, and if you’re the Philadelphia Eagles a first round bye. Start plotting your postseason run now, and maybe you’ll find your way in Super Bowl LII. The second group of teams are 13 teams mathematically eliminated from postseason contention. To these unlucky 13, get ready for a long offseason and draft process to right this wrong in 2018, you sad sorry sons of female dogs. Finally, we a left with 14 teams vying for the 7 remaining spots in the postseason. Whether you’re odds are long or short, the goal now is to make into Week 17 with a path in. Anything can happen on any given week, so make sure you have a way in come New Years Eve. Lets break down how we got here in our relevant games to NFL Week 15.

Los Angeles Chargers 13 vs. Kansas City Chiefs 30

Welcome to the obligatory Saturday Night Football late season match that we go through to confuse Football Fans down the stretch. The AFC West is on the line between two teams that started so very differently. The Kansas City (should’ve locked this division by now) Chiefs was the last remaining team with a undefeated record and even in Week 15 are unable to lock down their postseason return ticket yet. Their opponent for the division crown are the unlucky yet plucky Los Angeles Chargers who started the year 0-4 have somehow stayed in reaching distance of a team that started 5-0. This is like Rocky, if Apollo Creed was on the decline going into the match, and if Apollo Creed won the match, and if boxing was football. Technically the Chiefs could still miss the postseason if they lose out and the Chargers win out, but that’s a lot to ask for. Although it was a lot to ask for this game to be relevant going into Week 5, so…

Miami Dolphins 16 vs. Buffalo Bills 24

The Buffalo Bills won this all important game that gives them a postseason scenario in Week 17 for the first time since:

  • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban debuted in theaters
  • Lost started to confuse the Hell out of us with Season 1
  • Jimmy Fallon left SNL to onto his failed movie career (See Fever Pitch, although if you did his movie career wouldn’t have flopped).
  • Our Friends left us, but at least we still have Joey
  • LeBron was starting his second season (not stint) with the Cavs

If that seems long ago to you, just wait until you see the list of things that were relevant the last time the Bills made the postseason. If the second half echoes anything though, we might have to.

Houston Texans 7 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 45

Was the result obvious, yes. Sad, yes. Boring if not a Jaguars fan, so everyone except 12 people worldwide, yes. But this game did clinch the Jaguars spot in the postseason for the first time since 2007, so that’s something. Are the Jaguars a decent football team, yes. Are they Super Bowl contenders yet, don’t push your luck. Remember, Blake Bortles is still the quarterback.

Cincinnati Bengals 7 vs. Minnesota Vikings 34

Its like the Jaguars game, except this clinched the NFC North, involved a better overall winner, and somehow mathematically was a closer result. Also, Teddy Bridgewater is back, to kneel down and not risk the injury of their “star” quarterback…Case Keenum. The Vikings better realize soon that Case Keenum cannot win a Super Bowl soon or they’ll be done faster than you can say 1999 NFC Championship Game (“Damn” while slamming fist on countertop).

New York Jets 19 vs. New Orleans Saints 31

This game was a lot closer than it should’ve been. New Orleans, you should be ashamed of yourselves for dragging the game out the way you did. Although we all should be ashamed that it took until Week 15 to mathematically eliminated the mostly Josh McCown led New York Jets team. Apparently, the Jets also don’t know what a tank is. A tank is when you lose so many games that your draft position gets high enough where you can draft a Franchise player with easy. Enjoy potentially missing the top 10 you sad pathetic franchise for years to come.

Philadelphia Eagles 34 vs. New York Giants 29

What is with these lopsided talent matchups leading to close results. Although I probably shouldn’t say Nick Foles is “lopsided” compared to 2X Super Bowl Winner Eli Manning. The Giants almost pulled the upset off, as they led 21-7 at the beginning of the second quarter. It was all downhill from there. I would say that was the Giants season in a nutshell, but that would require a high point in the beginning, or at all. Anyways the non-Carson Wentz led Eagles squad will now get a first round bye and it puts Philadelphia in realistic position to host the NFC Championship game when all is said and done.

Arizona Cardinals 15 vs. Washington Redskins 20

A team that was already eliminated from postseason contention eliminated a different team from postseason contention but to be honest was already on the verge of being eliminated from postseason contention and both teams wore red. Got That?

Los Angeles Rams 42 vs. Seattle Seahawks 7

Seriously, this is the third game I covered that the losing team only managed to score a measly 7 points while being blown out by a probable if not definitive playoff team. I feel that the football gods got lazy and decided to cut-copy-paste the Bengals-Vikings game to the Jets-Saints and Rams-Seahawks matchups. Anyways, Rams can clinch the division with another win and the Seahawks are now in a sudden death game against the Cowboys.

New England Patriots 27 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers 24

To the NFL

Here I Proclaim

A Plea

To Right the

 

Wrongs Of This

Aggravating Management

So It May Prosper

 

Again In This New

 

Culture of

Accurate Views of

The Public’s

Callings and

Hollers.

You M************ A*******.

Tennessee Titans 23 vs. San Francisco 49ers 25

All hail your new savior, Jimmy Garoppolo. Seriously, what were the Patriots thinking when getting rid of this guy. Move Over Steph Curry, as Jimmy G solves all. He hasn’t been in the Bay Area for half a season and it looks like making this trade sooner might’ve put the 49ers in the postseason after all. The Titans matchup against the Jaguars in Week 17 looks important in the wrong way now, as a loss here might end their promising season.

Dallas Cowboys 20 vs. Oakland Raiders 17

So apparently you can lose a football game by fumbling in your opponents end zone, letting it go out of bounds and its called a touchback for the other team, ending your drive. That seems like it rewards the other team for almost allowing their opponents to dominate them for 70+ yards and if at any other point in the field when the ball goes out of bounds, its marked for the driving team but when it gets to that crucial point, the game decided to basically say “screw it” and give it to the underserving team. This rule basically but not mathematically ends the Raiders postseason hopes and makes the Cowboys game against the Seahawks a sudden death game. Well, at least were guaranteed one game with relatively high stakes next weeks. TWO GO IN, ONE COMES OUT ONLY TO GO IN AGAIN AND PROBABLY NOT COME OUT. It’s the way things go sometimes.

Atlanta Falcons 24 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21

Congratulations Atlanta. Before you say anything, you’ve not officially cinched the postseason, but you prevent an Aaron Rodgers postseason run and that can only help you odds come January in the likely event you make it. By the way Packers fans who are upset with this news, you’ve shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up relying on a Tampa Bay kicker to send the game to OT in any situation. I don’t even completely trust TB kickers to make extra points, so every time that happens its a little bit of a surprise. Maybe next year cheese-heads, but until then you can watch the Falcons likely make the postseason, only to lose at some point in humiliating fashion. That won’t be completely satisfying, Welcome to the life of being an (insert reoccurringly disappointing franchise here) fan.

 

Monday Headlines For NFL Sunday Week 12

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Welcome to Monday Headlines on UltimateFumble.com. These articles will make predictions for the upcoming NFL Sunday matchups by predicting the headline that will show up relating to that game. All Publications are welcome to use these headlines if they’re applicable. Starting with Week 7, Monday Headlines currently has a 31-28 record. Without further ado, Let’s Get Started.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons: Rated ARR, For Excessive Pirate Murder

Score: Buccaneers 3, Falcons 41

Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals: Old Yeller, The Hue Jackson Story

Score: Browns 6, Bengals 27 

Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts: Off To The Races

Score: Titans 14, Colts 30

Buffalo Bills vs. Kansas City Chiefs: Tribal Council

Score: Bills 17, Chiefs 21

Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots: Dolphin Meat ON SALE!

Score: Dolphins 3, Patriots 24

Carolina Panthers vs. New York Jets: USAir Flight 1016 (Look It Up)

Score: Panthers 30, Jets 10

Chicago Bears vs. Philadelphia Eagles: Lions And Tigers And Most Importantly The Bears Lose Horribly

Score: Bears: 13, Eagles 41

Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers: IT WAS BETTER IN 1849

Score: Seahawks 24, 49ers 7

New Orleans Saints vs. Los Angeles Rams: Hollywood Beats Saints, Like Always

Score: Saints 27, Rams 30

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Arizona Cardinals: If The Jaguars Fall In Arizona, Does It Really Matter?

Score: Jaguars 17, Cardinals 20

Denver Broncos vs. Oakland Raiders: Denver, Where Good Football Used To Be

Score: Broncos 23, Raiders 27

Green Bay Packers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers: That’s For 2010, Green Bay

Score: Packers 13, Steelers 33

 

 

NFL Sunday Week 11 Breakdown

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This was a very heavy turnover, decisive, and yet shocking week in the NFL. The NFC is looking more and more decisive and the AFC just became more cluttered with the Ravens and Bills currently occupying the 6 seed at 5 wins. 9-7 will be successful for getting to the postseason in the AFC and the Ravens look like the team to do it, although so many other teams are on their tail that a slip-up will open the door. Let’s cover game by game with the main takeaways from NFL Week 11.

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 vs. Cleveland Browns 7

There are 2 ways to look at the result of this game. The first way is to say that only beating the Browns by 12 is a pathetic sign and the Jaguars making the playoffs is currently a skeptical outlook at best. The other way to look at this is that the Browns, while winless, are a team that keeps games close and might find a way to win 1 or 2 games before the end of this season. It’s Schrodinger’s Browns, and we’ll be opening over the next six weeks.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 30 vs. Miami Dolphins 20

Is it just me, or the Miami Dolphins better when Jay Cutler has to be benched during a game. I mean you can’t just start Matt Moore apparently, as it apparently leads to a humiliating loss on CBS. Seriously, The Big Bang Theory had to move to Mondays for THAT! Anyways, the Dolphins should consider starting Cutler for the first drive of the game, and then bench him for Matt Moore. At least that formula will win you game(s).

Detroit Lions 27 vs. Chicago Bears 24

Welcome to the Wide Right Club Bears Fans. Its just a little club where teams who have suffered humiliating defeats due to reasonable field goals sailing wide right discuss their problems and dreams. We meet every Tuesday (Mondays we rest and lick our wounds) and currently members consist of you, Viking Fans, and our club founding Bill Fans. We hope you find solace in joining this very pathetic organization, as you look towards making offseason moves to not suck as much next year.

Baltimore Ravens 23 vs. Green Bay Packers 0

Okay its Official, Aaron Rodgers’s injury did not kill your season. It definitely hurt your season, but your defense is currently the reason for your demise. HUNDLEY, I see you sneaking away from this and you’re not off the hook here. Your bakery seems to have a horrible business model for all the turnovers you have been giving away in your starts this year. Packers fans don’t deserve 5 turnovers, but the defense has to step up to pick up from your mistakes. You can’t blame Hundley for his failures too much, the Packers didn’t ask him to start, he was called upon due to injury. This season is lost, but the lesson the front office learns in its struggles on defense could help build a team that could give Aaron Rodgers and your team another Super Bowl in the near future.

Arizona Cardinals 21 vs. Houston Texans 31

This was an impressive game considering the QB’s In this were Blaine Gabbert and Tom Savage. Both teams seasons were pretty close to over going into this game, and both teams are still unlikely to make the postseason. But these teams played their hearts out in this exciting matchup. Yes, this game was exciting and I apologize in advance for my “poor” and “disgraceful” taste in good football.

Los Angeles Rams 7 vs. Minnesota Vikings 24

Wasn’t this supposed to be the “game of the week” with these potential Super Bowl participants both at 7-2 battling it out for a large advantage in important playoff seeding? Jared Goff had a very boing day, he didn’t cost his team the game through turnovers, he just failed to contribute to the team in a meaningful way that could’ve spared them this loss to a Keenum led Vikings team. This Vikings team also has Bridgewater waiting in the wings, so they might be the NFL’s best hope at defeating the Eagles in the postseason.

Washington Redskins 31 vs. New Orleans Saints 34 (OT)

The Redskins defense deserved to lose this game. Take yourselves and that arguably offensive name and sit in the corner while I belittle you. Yes, you lost to a Drew Brees led team, but you were up more than two touchdowns with 6 minutes left. This is not a game you should lose, even when your starting running back goes down with an injury. This was yours to lose and you did just that. The Saints on the other hand have proven their ability to be clutch in crucial situations, which is why the NFC is right now a 4 team race for the Super Bowl.

Kansas City Chiefs 9 vs. New York Giants 12

HOW? HOW THIS HAPPEN? JUST HOW? I MEAN… HOW? YOU HAVE….HOW DID YOU SCREW THIS UP? HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE? I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE HOW THIS COULD’VE HAPPENED? YOUR OPPONENTS LOST TO THE…HOW? HOW DID…(Goes On an Infinite Loop for All Eternity).

Buffalo Bills 24 vs. Los Angeles Chargers 54

Congratulations Nathan Peterman on your First NFL Start! Next time, lets see if you can finish a game instead of getting benched after throwing 5 INTERCEPTIONS before the end of the first half! Granted some of those interceptions were not your fault, but then again most of them were. Is it time to go back to Tyrod starting? Maybe. Does this hurt your postseason chances? Definitely. Is this loss a death sentence for the 2017 season playoff hopes? I don’t think so, yet. As witness above, Kansas City is losing to everybody now and the Bills might’ve possibility loss this game badly to the future AFC West division champs by the way these teams are currently playing. Unless you want to make a victory over Tom Brady necessary, you need to send a message to Kansas City at Arrowhead Next Sunday.

Cincinnati Bengals 20 vs. Denver Broncos 17

This game was a battle between 3-6 teams to determine which gets to keep a relatively realistic chance at a postseason run, and one team decided its best bet to that was to start Brock Osweiler. Seriously though, what’d you think would happen with that choice. Better decisions have been made, that’s all I’m saying. Completing a little over half your passes with a 1/1 ratio was a “good” day for Brock, and it still wasn’t enough. Its time to see what Paxton Lynch can do, because we now know once and for all Brock Osweiler should not be starting at QB in the NFL. If only the Broncos realized this one week sooner.

New England Patriots 33 vs. Oakland Raiders 8

In honor of the annual NFL game in Mexico, this breakdown will be submitted in Spanish. If you don’t know and don’t want to bother learning Spanish, just use Google Translate.

Los Patriotas de Nueva Inglaterra demolieron a los Raiders de Oakland en un resultado tristemente esperado. En serio, México lo tiene para su único juego de la NFL. ¿Por qué este país solo obtiene un juego al año y Londres obtiene tres? Es más fácil viajar jugadores a México y definitivamente hay interés por una franquicia en este país. Al menos aumenta los juegos, por lo que es más probable que se juegue un emparejamiento de calidad en este maravilloso país.

Philidelphia Eagles 37 vs. Dallas Cowboys 9

Is it time to start talking about questioning Dak Prescott as an NFL starting QB. The Cowboys could’ve done better in his 145 yards passing. The team didn’t find the end zone once while playing at home, which is definitely pathetic. Imagine if your neighbor hated you and one day decided to go to your house, convince your spouse to leave you for them, obtaining custody of your children along with alimony. To top all of that off, this neighbor has the guts to tell you to go to bed and do absolutely nothing and it works. There might be a better analogy, but that’s basically what the Eagles did to the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football.

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking Down NFL Week 10 (SUPER EASY QUIZ!!!)

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So, this is the NFL we live in now. Don’t get me wrong the NFC seems to be a very scary division to be in right now, and it seems there are 7-8 teams actually competitive for 6 spots remaining. Although in the AFC…15?!?! Teams have a legitimate route to the postseason as of right now. The 3-7 Colts are the seconds worst team in the conference based on record and the mediocrity of this conference gives them opportunity to win out and legitimately make the postseason. Right now, it looks like 9-7 will get an AFC team in the postseason and even then 9 teams can at most afford to lose twice in the upcoming 7 week slate to be 9-7. Actually, most teams can only afford to lose once more, as 5 of the 9 teams already have 6 losses, not including the Colts who have 7 losses. If this mediocrity keeps up, the Steelers and Patriots could clinch before Week 14 and 8-8 might have to be seriously considered as a threshold.

This week’s breakdown will done differently than previous weeks. I was watching SNL clips on Sunday Morning and got the idea from this Weekend Update segment on sexual harassment in the workplace.

NO, NO, don’t worry no one in the NFL has been accused recently…yet. It seems these questions have very obvious answers, and I feel that that could be summed up very well in Week 10. I am going to list the games in question for Week 10 (No TNF as usual, but MNF will be included going forward). The question for each game is what’s the biggest takeaway. I’m not going to tell you the answers, as this is not a hard quiz. DEEP DOWN, WE ALL KNOW THE CORRECT ANSWERS. So here we go with your Week 10 NFL Breakdown.

New York Jets 10 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 15

A. Josh McCown had a bad game, he’s the Jets future.

B. ITS FITZPATRICK TIME IN TAMPA, BABY!!!

C. Tampa was lucky they played the Jets, who are finally hitting their wall and continuing there downward spiral in QB purgatory.

D. The New York Jets organization felt bad for the Giants and gave them an opportunity to be the sole NY winner of Week 10 as pity.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20 vs. Indianapolis Colts 17

A. Steelers are slipping up, its only a matter of time until the Ravens claw to the Top.

B. The Colts are finally threatening and this game will be the final loss of 2017.

C. The Steelers could’ve played better Football Sunday, but this shouldn’t affect them going forward.

D. Colts players felt dejected after hearing more about the ongoing George Takei allegations. Oh My.

Cincinnati Bengals 20 vs. Tennessee Titans 24

A. AJ Green’s sole goal is to make Jalen Ramsey suffer, and orchestrated the coaching staff to blow the game at the end to keep the Titans on pace to the win the AFC South.

B. Watch Out Patriots, Titans are coming for the AFC.

C. The Titans took out a very beatable Bengals team and barring a collapse should have at least one additional game this season.

D. Bengals fans care about their team

New Orleans Saints 40 vs. Buffalo Bills 3

A. This is the inevitable collapse of the Bills, who are doomed to never make the postseason in anyone’s lifetime.

B. The New Orleans Defense is the best in the NFL.

C. The Bills loss is concerning, but was against a HOF QB with a decent team around him that could even threaten the Eagles in another Super Bowl run #PotentialDenial

D. 6 Rushing Touchdowns is a normal amount of rushing touchdowns to allow in any game, Right?

Cleveland Browns 24 vs. Detroit Lions 38

A. Kizer getting hurt was the biggest blow to Cleveland since LeBron James initially left years ago.

B. Stafford is a Hall of Fame QB for what he did to the Browns Defense.

C. A 0-16 Browns Season is looking more and more inevitable.

D. What’d you talking about, the Browns are undefeated. Also, Kevin Spacey and Louis CK are still beloved.

New York Giants 21 vs. San Francisco 49ers 31

A. The Giants are heading for a long playoff drought, start rooting for the Jets.

B. Who needs Garroppolo, CJ Beathard for LIFE!!!

C. The 49ers were bound to win once with all of the close finishes they’d be dealing with this year.

D. The Giants decided that Week 10 was too early to have a team mathematically eliminated from postseason contention. (49ers would’ve been the first team with that distinction this year with loss this week).

Houston Texans 7 vs. Los Angeles Rams 33

A. Why was Jared Goff benched last year? Jeff Fisher would still be Head Coach.

B. Robert Woods is Hollywood’s next sensation

C. The Rams are a competitive team and the Texans started Tom Savage. Any Questions?

D. Houston has a World Series already, that’s enough.

Green Bay Packers 23 vs. Chicago Bears 16

A. Aaron Rodgers, step aside. Its Hundley time in Green Bay.

B. Well, it was good while it lasted, Mitchell Trubisky.

C. The Bears got greedy on that challenge, which ultimately prevented this game from going into overtime.

D. The Bears have a Black Sox level scandal, as while the Packers won the game, Bears players earned themselves new Ferraris for losing.

Minnesota Vikings 38 vs. Washington Redskins 30

A. “Screw Bridgewater, Case Keenum is our Franchise QB Now.” -Vikings Management

B. Kirk Cousins needs to be benched after his abysmal 3 TD (1 Passing, 2 Rushing) day.

C. The Packers downfall has given the Vikings a 1 year window for a chance to win their first Super Bowl.

D. The Redskins will continue to lose games from this point forward until they change the name of their team.

Los Angeles Chargers 17 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 20

A. The Chargers are unable to finish most game due to the San Diego gypsy curse of 2/6/17.

B. Jacksonville’s fans were enough to carry th… Okay, this answer is wrong. The Jacksonville Jaguars don’t have fans.

C. The Jaguars were handed this game by the Chargers, who are currently in process of pre-handing the following game against the Bills due to Rivers decision to enter concussion protocol (Long Term = Good Decision, Short Term = Likely Season Killer).

D. LA needed a distraction from the UCLA scandal involving LiAngelo Ball.

Dallas Cowboys 7 vs. Atlanta Falcons 27

A. This is Ezekiel Elliott’s fault for delaying his suspension

B. This is the NFL’s fault for suspending Elliott in the first place.

C. The Cowboys have significant issues that go beyond the suspended RB.

D. This is somehow Colin Kaepernick’s fault.

New England Patriots 41 vs. Denver Broncos 16

A. TOM BRADY WILL BE GREAT FOREVER!!!

B. The Patriots are the most dominant team in football again.

C. Brock Osweiler is not a good QB, although the Patriots are becoming more intimidating each week.

D. The Patriots are deflating balls while spying on the Broncos playbooks in collusion with Russia against Donald Trump and somehow Jimmy Kimmel is the main orchestrator of all of this. #Cheatception

Miami Dolphins 21 vs. Carolina Panthers 45

A. Monday Night Football had the most exciting game of the week, like always.

B. If Matt Moore started the season at QB, the Dolphins would be beating the Patriots.

C. This was never a season the Dolphins could realistically make a playoff run with a Week 1 bye and losing their franchise QB to injury in training camp. The fact they’re still in it even with this loss is impressive.

D. Cam has earned his Yogurt Commercial deal back, as his play was clearly the main issue.

 

Monday Headlines for NFL Sunday Week 10

Welcome to Monday Headlines on UltimateFumble.com. These articles will make predictions for the upcoming NFL Sunday matchups by predicting the headline that will show up relating to that game. All Publications are welcome to use these headlines if they’re applicable. Starting with Week 7, Monday Headlines currently has a 17-18 record. Without further ado, Let’s Get Started.

New York Jets vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Decommissioned Score:

Jets 14, Buccaneers 20

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Indianapolis Colts: Big (Day) Ben

Score: Steelers 31, Colts 10

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Tennessee Titans: Murray Mauling

Score: Bengals 17, Titans 42

New Orleans Saints vs. Buffalo Bills: Saints Are Crawling In

Score: Saints 7, Bills 24

Cleveland Browns vs. Detroit Lions: Seriously, What’d You Think Happened!

Score: Browns 13, Lions30

New York Giants vs. San Francisco 49ers: King of San Francisco

Score: Giants 24, 49er 3

Houston Texans vs. Los Angeles Rams: Savagely Beaten

Score: Texans 14, Rams 13

Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Redskins: Kirk-ing Yourself

Score: Vikings 31, Redskins 16

Dallas Cowboys vs. Atlanta Falcons: Jones Call

Score: Cowboys 21, Falcons 34

New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos: Brock Bottom

Score: Patriots 41, Broncos 31

Breaking Down NFL Sunday Week 9

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This week, there was football, fights, and questionable personnel decisions in some NFL franchises. Close games were surprisingly not a major player this week, as most matchups seemed to be pretty decided by the end of the third quarter. Here’s to hoping Week 10 brings more interesting football. Until then, here are the big things to remember from this NFL Week 9.

Atlanta Falcons 17 vs. Carolina Panthers 20

What has happened to these Falcons. Remember when they used to have a turnover machine of a defense. It seems like a distant memory the way they were playing. The lost to a Panthers team WITHOUT their number 1 receiver who they’d traded away before the deadline. No Olsen or Benjamin, but Funchess was the leading receiver with 86 yards. YOU STILL MANAGED TO LOSE THAT GAME! Yeah, your not going to the Super Bowl anytime soon.

Indianapolis Colts 20 vs. Houston Texans 14

This could’ve been the matchup of two franchise QB’s that could run the AFC South for the next decade. Instead, both of those QB’s are out for the season and it was a battle between a former Patriots 3rd stringer and a laughing stock of a late round pick. Watching paint dry seemed like a better alternative for most parts of this game. Thank God for T.Y. Hilton’s 175 yards to make this game somewhat watchable.

Cincinnati Bengals 7 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 23

From a game standpoint, the Jaguars won with an amazing rushing day with INTENTIONALLY sitting out their clear starting RB, which is amazing. The big story here is how a star Wide Receiver and a star Cornerback were both ejected after one altercation. Seriously, set that fight to any music and it works. Not just rock or hip hop, set the music to a good country, classical, or even The Price is Right theme song, it’ll lighten up your day. Send me your submissions of this fight under your choice of music and I’ll feature it on our social media and post this to UltimateFumble.com, giving you full credit. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10 vs. New Orleans Saints 30

What’s with NFL Week 10 and star Wide Receivers getting into fights. Seriously was there a full moon the previous night and those players transformed into MMA fighters overnight with the sole purpose of attacking other football players whether they were playing in the game or not. Seriously Mike, there was no need to aggressively shove someone when there was clearly no play. You can’t just walk up to people and just shove them to the ground as hard as you can. Well….Maybe….and I now a November 15th court day.

Denver Broncos 23 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 51

I understand the offense isn’t scoring much with Brock Osweiler at QB, but the defense should be keeping Denver’s opponents under 30 at least. 51 on a team with Von Miller. 51 on a team with a Top 5 defense last year. 51 against a second year quarterback and the best receiving option is Ashlon Jeffery. Broncos fans, I hope 51 stays in your brain the rest of this season and the upcoming offseason.
Los Angeles Rams 51 vs. New York Giants 17

51 points, congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles. Carson Wentz had a wonderful game against the Den…wait this isn’t the Eagles…really the Rams, Who were they playing…oh that makes sense. I can’t believe I’m staying the but the Jets are the better New York team this year. They’re not doing well, but their playoff chances aren’t zero yet. Good news Giants fans, we’re in November! The end of the season can’t come soon enough for you, can it.
Washington Redskins 17 vs. Seattle Seahawks 14

Is it just me, or has Russell Wilson lost his elite QB status ever since Super XLIX. Ever since he made that goal line interception at the end of that game instead of handing the ball off to MARSHAWN ******LYNCH, he’s played decent football, but not best in the league, and this year not even best in his division. The Redskins are a worthy opponent, but not unbeatable by any means. This Seahawks tea is on track for the playoffs, just not much else.
Baltimore Ravens 20 vs. Tennessee Titans 23

Speaking of QBs who haven’t been the same since a Super Bowl we have Joe Flacco, who once had one of the best postseasons in NFL history and now can’t keep his team at .500 level for long. Don’t get me wrong, there are teams in worse situations at this moment and time, but this is a clearly not the Flacco that should be paid $100+ million dollars over his contract. If this keeps happening, the Ravens must ask themselves how much longer their willing to wait for Flacco before they accept that they must move on.

Arizona Cardinals 20 vs. San Francisco 49ers 10

Drew Stanton was the more relevant QB on the field this week against the 49ers. It could be just me, but I think if the 49ers started Garroppolo on a limited playbook they would’ve gotten their first win this week. I’m not sure if the 49ers have found their starting quarterback of the future with this trade, given the history of former patriots backups tanking with future teams, but they should start looking into Jimmy’s potential ASAP. This is a team that will have a top 5 pick at the least and if this trade didn’t bring the guy they thought, scouting should be considering alternatives for an interesting QB competition.

Kansas City Chiefs 28 vs. Dallas Cowboys 17

Weren’t the Chiefs the only team to go 5-0 and have whom is likely to be Rookie of the Year currently on their roster. This team will probably still win the AFC West, but that might be more of the lack of talented play beyond the Chiefs start this year. This was supposed to be a battle between the Raiders and the Chiefs and the Raiders are two games back with a losing record. This division should’ve been locked up by now and a win vs. the Cowboys would’ve realistically done that. Raiders…

Oakland Raiders 27 vs. Miami Dolphins 24

…This is your chance to shine, or at least not make a set fire onto your team’s hopes and dreams for the 2017 season. I feel that the 2017 season will either go down as the year of Wentz or the year of mediocrity. 3 win teams are still in this hunt because of matchups like this. A Dolphins win could’ve propelled them farther ahead and leave the Raiders in the dust for this season. Instead, we now have two 4 win teams who both have a shot this year, but both need some significant help to pull a postseason out of this year. 10-6 is going to guarantee any AFC team a postseason birth and 9-7 just might also do the trick. The team whose playing down the stretch winning these types of games consistently will be playing January football, and it just might be the Oakland Raiders who does it.

 

Breaking Down NFL Sunday Week 8

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Well, another week is in the books and the clutter mess that is known as the 2017 NFL Season has become a slightly less cluttered mess after week 8. Teams are starting to separate from one another, and some that were once considered division favorites are in must win mode for the next two months. Let’s go through NFL Week 8 together in this week’s Sunday Breakdown.

Minnesota Vikings 33 vs. Cleveland Browns 16:

Oh, Cleveland. You sent last week’s match against the Titans to overtime, only to collapse and lose that matchup by a field goal. It looked like you were going to give the Vikings a run for their money in London and get your first win of the season. That lasted about the half before the Curse of the Browns kicked in and the Browns left London in what turned out to be a not so close game. The Browns have gone 25 STRAIGHT SUNDAYS with a loss (They won on Christmas EVE last year, but that was on a Saturday). At least you can’t lose on the bye week, although I wouldn’t be shocked if you found a way to the way things are going.

Indianapolis Colts 23 vs. Cincinnati Bengals 24:

This looked like it could’ve gone either way for most of the game, and honestly the way I would describe the Colts loss at this point is unfortunate. The Bengals should not have let this game become so close, and the fact that it was makes me want to give Jacoby Brissett some credit. He’s been on the team for less than half a regular season and he understands the offense enough that makes me believe that he’ll win at least one game as the Colts QB. Jack Doyle had a remarkable game, catching 12 balls for 131 yards and a TD. Unfortunately, unlucky catch number 13 did not occur on this game before Halloween, and it became the game deciding play for this unlucky, unfortunate, and mostly untalented team.

Los Angeles Chargers 13 vs. New England Patriots 21:

This game shouldn’t be this close. The Patriots are coming off a Super Bowl victory and battling the lowly Chargers should’ve been decided in the first quarter in New England’s Favor. Tom Brady hasn’t hit his playing wall yet, so this is a team that’s supposed to be definitively win games. The Chargers were 23 yards and a 2-point conversion away from going into overtime against the reigning Super Bowl Champions. THIS SHOULDN’T HAPPEN. Yes, If this was the only occasion this season, it could just be a bad week for this Super Bowl contending team. The Patriots have won very few games definitively this year, only beating the out of conference Falcons and Saints by about 2 TDS. The Patriots might have won this game, but the AFC is wide open come January.

Chicago Bears 12 vs. New Orleans Saints 20:

A QB who literally completed 4 passes in his previous complete and successful start had to make 32 attempts during this game against the high powered offense known as the New Orleans Saints. How do you think that went? Answer: 14/32, 164 yards, and an interception. That can beat teams without competent offenses, but this isn’t going to cut it against future Hall of Fame Drew Brees. Brees didn’t even have a TD today, but the Bears made that fact unnecessary. Keep trying Trubisky, you possibly might get their one day.
Oakland Raiders 14 vs. Buffalo Bills 34:

I mentioned above about how the league is still pretty cluttered halfway through the seasons, but the AFC East and AFC West divisions seem to be going in opposite directions with that kind of thinking, with the Bills staying a half game back of the New England Patriots and about only 1-1.5 game(s) ahead of the Jets and Dolphins. Meanwhile, the Kansas City Chiefs seem to already have the AFC West wrapped with about a 3 game lead on all of their divisional opponents. Weren’t the Raiders suppose the challenge the Patriots for the crown this year. Well, at least Marshawn Lynch has his own reality TV show.

Atlanta Falcons 25 vs. New York Jets 20:

Dan Quinn before the Bills Matchup: “We’ve got this in the bag, Buffalo are a bunch of nobodies coming in our house, they’ve got no chance.”

Dan Quinn before the Dolphins Matchup: “We’re back from the bye with Julio Jones healthy again against a Dolphins team that was shutout by the SAINTS! Piece of Cake:”

Dan Quinn before the Patriots Matchup: “Okay, Okay, those last two losses were definitely unfortunate, and this is against the New England Patriots. Let’s just keep this game close and show America that we are still a team not to be messed with.”

Dan Quinn before the Jets Matchup: “LISTEN UP, NO ONE EATS UNLESS WE BEAT THE JETS. WE ARE NOT LOSING TO A JOSH MCCOWN LED FOOTBALL TEAM. WE ARE BEATING ONE MOTHERFLIPPING TEAM FROM THE AFC EAST AND YOU’LL ALL SUFFER MY WRATH FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!”

San Francisco 49ers 10 vs. Philadelphia Eagles 33: 

When I made predictions before this week’s matchups, I actually predicted the 49ers would win this game. I thought I was genius for calling this “trap game” and that the Carson Wentz hype was overrated and that the 49ers were due for a win against a team that was going to be thinking ahead to the Broncos Defense. Sometimes these predictions are genius decisions and sometimes its just pure paranoia. I was the latter this week.

Carolina Panthers 17 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3:

This game was a boring matchup that was decided in the first quarter. There was an article on Bleacher Report this week on the end of Cam Newton in the NFL (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2740726-cam-newtons-latest-outburst-has-some-in-nfl-wondering-if-his-end-is-near) due to his recent outbursts. The team is currently 5-2 with no end in sight right now. Are the press conference outbursts a distraction, yes.  If this was Colin Kaepernick would he never play in the NFL again, yes. Were Cam Newton’s against female reporters at least somewhat disrespectful, yes. At least he gets results though.

Dallas Cowboys 33 vs. Washington Redskins 19:

An advantage of writing this post on Tuesday Morning is that I know the outcome of the Ezekiel Elliott suspension, which right now looks like Elliott will be out of commission through Week 14. First of all, RIP anyone’s fantasy season who owns Elliott, your hope is likely gone unless you got him for a huge bargain. Second, The Cowboys are 4-3 and while it definitely looks like the Eagles have this division wrapped up pretty well, this team is still very much in the hunt for a wildcard spot. They have all 3 divisional opponents during this ban and will play the Chiefs this upcoming week. .500 is necessary at minimum during this stretch to make Elliott play with purpose in December.

Houston Texans 38 vs. Seattle Seahawks 41: 

TWO EPIC MATCHUPS WITH HOUSTON SPORTS TEAMS ON THE SAME DAY. If we and Houston sports fans like to be honest, they would happily keep the results the same, as Watson has shown Elite QB play in his Rookie Season to show at least potential for an amazing NFL career, and the Astros are one win away from the World Series. On a serious note, Houston has been reeling from the Harvey Hurricane months ago and the city of Houston needs a moral win right now. Needless to say, Go Astros. On the Texans front, they’ve just got to allow the Jaguars to collapse on themselves like they always do and they’ll find a way to sneak into the NFL Postseason. This team is currently a dangerous team if the postseason started today, and this is without JJ Watt. The future of Houston Football looks bright.

Pittsburgh Steelers 20 vs. Detroit Lions 15:

The Pittsburgh Steelers benched Martavis Bryant after he publicly demanded to be traded away from a team that in his opinion didn’t want him. Little did we know that this would trigger the Steelers making his replacement Juju Smith-Schuster an NFL name overnight after catching 7 balls for 193 yards and a TD in a primetime victory over the Lions. Maybe the Steelers don’t want Bryant on their roster after this result, maybe they never wanted Bryant in the first place. This could all be a conspiracy to make Juju the next great receiver in NFL history. Maybe the NFL is rigged to have the same teams succeed over and over again. Or… I might be looking into one game too intensely. Congrats to Juju and the now 6-2 Steelers on a successful game. As for the Lions, at least Aaron Rodgers isn’t playing, right?